Sarcastic Shopping Enthusiast Pillows

"Wow, what a fantastic shopping centre. I'll grab some smokes, you have a pedicure, pick a new outfit, then we'll eat a kebab whilst we have the car washed."

Cut Price

"It was terrifying experience being faced with that kind of compulsive, insane behaviour...I tell you it's positively the last time I put foot in the sales!"

A women in a shoeshop.

"This is a clever little shop. It makes you think it would be fun to own a lamp."

"They're on special offer so I got three times more than I could ever use for twice as much as I could afford!"

"I shop, therefore I am."

"Sorry sir - the self-propelling pencils have all just walked out..."

"Yes, it's nice my husband has hoarded a fortune, but it would be nicer if he would let me spend some of it though..."

Goldilocks and the seventeen black shoulder bags

'We don't know what it is but it was in the sale so we thought we'd better get one before they sold out.'

A young couple selects items from a shop.

'Let's go and make some unfunded spending committments.'

'Tom will coordinate our pre-holiday point-of-purchase displays and Mark will coordinate our post holiday point-of-return displays.'

"'IF modom decides to change it' - don't you mean WHEN??"

Pirates at the mall.

Hips may appear larger than they actually are.

"If at first you don't succeed, buy, buy again."

It was a good chance to get together and talk shop.

'Do you have this in a smaller size?'

'It's amazing! I'm a magician! I can make a weekly wage disappear in four hours!'

Self-Checkout.

"What would you suggest to fill the dark, empty spaces in my soul?"

"I'm a strict vegan with dietary limitations due to specific food allergies. What should I get?" "A taxi."

"I'll try them on at home. You can just return what doesn't fit."

What if retail stores behaved like websites?

"I don't see any mention of quicksand skills on your resume."

Irregulars

"If you want to talk to someone uninterested, press 1..."

'But I think shopping three times a week is more than enough exercise!'

'In the war against full price, we are winning...'

'And the good news is you can finish out your 'Employee-of-the-Month' term before cleaning out your desk.'

"I can't get the price sticker off this non stick pan, you sold me!"

"Once you break through the plastic clamshell and blister packs, there won't be any packaging left!"

"Most of my consumerism is self-taught."