Sarcastic Shopping Enthusiast Gifts

"Wow, what a fantastic shopping centre. I'll grab some smokes, you have a pedicure, pick a new outfit, then we'll eat a kebab whilst we have the car washed."

"It was terrifying experience being faced with that kind of compulsive, insane behaviour...I tell you it's positively the last time I put foot in the sales!"

Cut Price

"This is a clever little shop. It makes you think it would be fun to own a lamp."

A women in a shoeshop.

"They're on special offer so I got three times more than I could ever use for twice as much as I could afford!"

"I shop, therefore I am."

"Sorry sir - the self-propelling pencils have all just walked out..."

"Yes, it's nice my husband has hoarded a fortune, but it would be nicer if he would let me spend some of it though..."

Goldilocks and the seventeen black shoulder bags

A young couple selects items from a shop.

'We don't know what it is but it was in the sale so we thought we'd better get one before they sold out.'

"'IF modom decides to change it' - don't you mean WHEN??"

'Let's go and make some unfunded spending committments.'

"If at first you don't succeed, buy, buy again."

'Tom will coordinate our pre-holiday point-of-purchase displays and Mark will coordinate our post holiday point-of-return displays.'

Hips may appear larger than they actually are.

Pirates at the mall.

It was a good chance to get together and talk shop.

'Do you have this in a smaller size?'

"What would you suggest to fill the dark, empty spaces in my soul?"

"I'm a strict vegan with dietary limitations due to specific food allergies. What should I get?" "A taxi."

"I'll try them on at home. You can just return what doesn't fit."

Self-Checkout.

What if retail stores behaved like websites?

'It's amazing! I'm a magician! I can make a weekly wage disappear in four hours!'

"I don't see any mention of quicksand skills on your resume."

"If you want to talk to someone uninterested, press 1..."

Irregulars

'But I think shopping three times a week is more than enough exercise!'

'In the war against full price, we are winning...'

Down on Her.

"Most of my consumerism is self-taught."

'And the good news is you can finish out your 'Employee-of-the-Month' term before cleaning out your desk.'

"I can't get the price sticker off this non stick pan, you sold me!"