Sarcastic Savers Pillows

"Save for retirement now while you're still young, hot lean and sexy..."The voice of reason makes an obscene phone call.

"For my will I decided to cut out the middle man and bequeath all my money to the IRS."

Hello, my name is riskyy@ronny5 and I am addicted to comments boards.

'Caesar salad?'

"All dishes marked with an asterisk are served with sarcasm. . ."

Waiter indicates cutlery for diner's tiny meal, saying: 'The one on the right is your mangnifying glass, sir.'

'All our appliances come with energy saving device - off/on switch.'

'Gentlemen, it's time we tightened our belts.'

'Oh stop complaining, if it wasn't for the mosquitoes you wouldn't get any exercise at all!'

'Tap water?! As if.'

"Send them in for their Christmas bonuses."

“We need eggs, milk, bread... Oh, and get an extra-large tub of outrage. We’re running low.”

'You have no new messages in your mailbox.'

"We have met today because you, Cynthia, and you, Kevin, now want to look together for a scapegoat to blame for your stupidity, your laziness, your total failure, and for your antisocial behaviour."

'We're worried about your ability to lend us money.'

"I live for twenty four hours. How can I fund a 401 K?"

"The Scrimpshaws have finally decided to deposit their savings."

'The chef says that the quail was out but he prepared that little critter he ran over on the motorway which tastes similar and you nouveau riche snobs will never notice the difference anyway.'

"Thanks for your meaningful application. When can you start?"

"It's okay mate, I only need the cork from your bottle."

"I'd like to dedicate this next tune to those who have discovered love, gotten married, and wished desperately for death."

"So, we've processed your loan application and I'm afraid that it doesn't look too promising!"

Exploding Piggy Bank

Investment Services. I have a tidy sum I'd like to turn into a great big mess.

I wandered lonely as a cloud in the shape of an insufferable jerk no one could stand to be around.

"A dry heat - no problem. But this humidity."

You said it was "take your child to work" day. You didn't say anything about bringing him back.

Signs you're becoming annoying on a really, really long road trip.

Weight loss programme.

"I've been praying for an excuse not to go Christmas shopping."

'Dang, I told him to take a shower before we sacrificed him to the volcano god!'

"It's only by cultivating a deep mutual trusting relationship with clients that you'll get the chance to shaft them more than once!"

"My parents are extreme vegans. I'm not allowed to have a piggy bank."

Jeff discovered a new bank account where his money would always be safe.

"Just so you know, you were my third-round draft pick."