Skeptical Savers Pillows

'We're worried about your ability to lend us money.'

"You have to believe what you're doing will lead to something valuable, even though it probably won't."

Stock market investment advice

Standard & Poor

Conspiracy Theory Bookstore: JFK, Princess Di, and Osama Bin Laden.

"Right. Women adore him, men want to be like him, and YOU... well, you're hopeless. So, am I the ONLY one who sees through this guy?"

Flat-earthers and round-earthers reach a compromise.

'No, I don't believe in life after birth. When you're born, you're born!'

'I want you stop referring to our grant as 'The Big Dipper.''

"The best laid plans of mice and men... differ materially in their objectives."

Down on Her.

"You want to withdraw your money? There's a fee for that."

'I'm sure they make it up in volume.'

"For my will I decided to cut out the middle man and bequeath all my money to the IRS."

Swami Trevor's Brotherhood of Celestial Enlightenment

'Never, Ever...believe everything you read.'

'It's scoundrel time . . . '

"Do you mind? I'm reading the prospectus carefully before investing."

"Thank you for not praying."

"Nope! Not that one! They still believe that 'gods' created the universe!"

Man to man re: crackpot's sign that says, 'Your Nutty Idea Here': Everybody's out to make a buck these days.

'It's not a Ponzi scheme. It's a Ponzi FUND.'

"I live for twenty four hours. How can I fund a 401 K?"

'Maybe so, sir, but our motto is, 'A penny saved is a lot of trouble for nothing.''

'Six hundred dollars! That's ridiculous! I could buy a new driver with that kind of money!'

"The Scrimpshaws have finally decided to deposit their savings."

'I see you reaching into your wallet for a twenty dollar bill.'

'Midnight Galas, dinner at the Captain's table, the Swinging Singles Bar, exotic tropical nights... if I may say so, Miss Winslow... this cruise is you!'

"I guess I can’t prove I exist either."

"I take it you've never had a bank account before?"

Your Money Back if and when We Feel Like It.

'Get rich quick schemes - $1,000,000 each.'

Proving Jesus lived is harder than finding footprints in the water he walked on.

Politicians and Budget Cuts.