Skeptical Savers Pillows

'We're worried about your ability to lend us money.'

"You have to believe what you're doing will lead to something valuable, even though it probably won't."

Stock market investment advice

Standard & Poor

Conspiracy Theory Bookstore: JFK, Princess Di, and Osama Bin Laden.

"Right. Women adore him, men want to be like him, and YOU... well, you're hopeless. So, am I the ONLY one who sees through this guy?"

Flat-earthers and round-earthers reach a compromise.

'No, I don't believe in life after birth. When you're born, you're born!'

Down on Her.

'I want you stop referring to our grant as 'The Big Dipper.''

"You want to withdraw your money? There's a fee for that."

"The best laid plans of mice and men... differ materially in their objectives."

'I'm sure they make it up in volume.'

"For my will I decided to cut out the middle man and bequeath all my money to the IRS."

'Never, Ever...believe everything you read.'

'It's scoundrel time . . . '

"Can atheists refuse to participate?"

Bank. 18 month CD 1.0815255645% Paying More digits than any other bank. Interest rates are so low! It's hard to believe this CD has reached maturity --- Just look at how little it's grown! Investing seems extremely risky these days. There's no safe place to get a decent return. They always say investing is a roller coaster. Yeah, but it's not true. On a roller coaster you get back to where you started!

Swami Trevor's Brotherhood of Celestial Enlightenment

"Do you mind? I'm reading the prospectus carefully before investing."

Man to man re: crackpot's sign that says, 'Your Nutty Idea Here': Everybody's out to make a buck these days.

"Thank you for not praying."

"Nope! Not that one! They still believe that 'gods' created the universe!"

'It's not a Ponzi scheme. It's a Ponzi FUND.'

"I live for twenty four hours. How can I fund a 401 K?"

'Six hundred dollars! That's ridiculous! I could buy a new driver with that kind of money!'

'I see you reaching into your wallet for a twenty dollar bill.'

"I guess I can’t prove I exist either."

"The Scrimpshaws have finally decided to deposit their savings."

'Midnight Galas, dinner at the Captain's table, the Swinging Singles Bar, exotic tropical nights... if I may say so, Miss Winslow... this cruise is you!'

'Maybe so, sir, but our motto is, 'A penny saved is a lot of trouble for nothing.''

"I take it you've never had a bank account before?"

Your Money Back if and when We Feel Like It.

Truth in labeling: If it sounds too good to be true. . . investments, stocks, bonds & mutual funds - formally fly-by nite investments.

Politicians and Budget Cuts.