Sarcastic Sharers Pillows

Hello, my name is riskyy@ronny5 and I am addicted to comments boards.

Another day at work would be one too many...

The First Fire Stick

"My tweet about not caring about what is trending is now trending."

"Well if it comes to that you're not exactly Mr Wonderful."

"You might want to save that for your blog."

'You always wanted a larger office with a view.'

"I work smart, instead of hard. You do all the work and I take all the credit."

People I've Met At Parties Whose Names I've Forgotten

'I fu*@!Ng hate you!!!'

"For my will I decided to cut out the middle man and bequeath all my money to the IRS."

"If you need me, I’ll be in the living room clawing the bejesus out of that Navajo rug you just picked up at auction."

'At least we don't have to worry about getting those as gifts.'

'On second thought, he does do one thing around the house -- he cleans out the refrigerator.'

Didn't we fire you last week?

'Hey, I know how to stop famine and poverty! Let's have lunch and after that, we go on making money!'

"I've only had three pints and I'm totally wasted. . . I'll never drink vodka again!"

"We have met today because you, Cynthia, and you, Kevin, now want to look together for a scapegoat to blame for your stupidity, your laziness, your total failure, and for your antisocial behaviour."

"Why do you call it a thyroid problem when it's been giving me an excuse for the 20 pounds I gained this year?"

'That's four million, one hundred and eighty straight misses, Mr Fenson. Your shooting has gone all to hell.'

It's too cold...the boss is a jerk...my feet hurt.

"Dad, I'm nearly eighteen. I'm old enough to get divorce if I want"

'It seems that my advice wasn't the only thing he could do without.'

Personalized Tax-Return Mailers.

Did you know that 3 to 4 glasses of wine a day can reduce your risk of giving a s**t. . . but you'll pee a lot more.

"So is that enough 'putting out' for you?"

'The boss finally noticed me today. He said I should wear deodrant.'

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, lady, can't you read?"

"We have a new card line called 'It Must Be Nice'. Congratulate your friends, but with a hint of bitterness."

"Friends are like trees. They fall down if you hit them with an axe."

"You should have called me earlier."

'I'd prefer the banks were re-formed and Destiny's Child split up.'

"I'm weaning Bob from the TV. That's a placebo remote."