Sarcastic Sharers Gifts

Hello, my name is riskyy@ronny5 and I am addicted to comments boards.

Another day at work would be one too many...

The First Fire Stick

"My tweet about not caring about what is trending is now trending."

"Well if it comes to that you're not exactly Mr Wonderful."

"You might want to save that for your blog."

"I work smart, instead of hard. You do all the work and I take all the credit."

'You always wanted a larger office with a view.'

'I fu*@!Ng hate you!!!'

People I've Met At Parties Whose Names I've Forgotten

"For my will I decided to cut out the middle man and bequeath all my money to the IRS."

"Can you train him to bite my husband whenever the trash gets full?"

You give dives a bad name. Somebody has to!

'At least we don't have to worry about getting those as gifts.'

Didn't we fire you last week?

'On second thought, he does do one thing around the house -- he cleans out the refrigerator.'

"If you need me, I’ll be in the living room clawing the bejesus out of that Navajo rug you just picked up at auction."

'I just read that in order to get the same benefit as lab mice got from taking resveratrol, you'd have to drink 1,000 bottles of wine per day. For you, that would mean cutting back.'

"We have met today because you, Cynthia, and you, Kevin, now want to look together for a scapegoat to blame for your stupidity, your laziness, your total failure, and for your antisocial behaviour."

"I've only had three pints and I'm totally wasted. . . I'll never drink vodka again!"

'Hey, I know how to stop famine and poverty! Let's have lunch and after that, we go on making money!'

"Why do you call it a thyroid problem when it's been giving me an excuse for the 20 pounds I gained this year?"

'That's four million, one hundred and eighty straight misses, Mr Fenson. Your shooting has gone all to hell.'

'It seems that my advice wasn't the only thing he could do without.'

"So is that enough 'putting out' for you?"

Did you know that 3 to 4 glasses of wine a day can reduce your risk of giving a s**t. . . but you'll pee a lot more.

"Dad, I'm nearly eighteen. I'm old enough to get divorce if I want"

Personalized Tax-Return Mailers.

It's too cold...the boss is a jerk...my feet hurt.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, lady, can't you read?"

'The boss finally noticed me today. He said I should wear deodrant.'

"We have a new card line called 'It Must Be Nice'. Congratulate your friends, but with a hint of bitterness."

"You should have called me earlier."

"Friends are like trees. They fall down if you hit them with an axe."

'I'd prefer the banks were re-formed and Destiny's Child split up.'