Sarcastic Networker Pillows

People I've Met At Parties Whose Names I've Forgotten

"Delegating authority is good. Delegating blame is better."

Hello, my name is riskyy@ronny5 and I am addicted to comments boards.

'Did you clear this through Legal first?'

"My tweet about not caring about what is trending is now trending."

'I knew this was a bad place to work when I saw that they call the company handbook 'the Owner's Manual.''

Redhead

"The bad news is we've fired 80% of your office. The good news is we're fixing the coffee machine."

"Great news, Mr. Corrigan. That large, life-threatening lump we removed from your back turned out to be your lawyer."

"Try unplugging it and throwing it out the window."

'Yes, it's easy to make a mistake in a conduct dismissal, Bob. But as mistakes go this is a big one.'

"I work smart, instead of hard. You do all the work and I take all the credit."

'Don't give up hope, Senator- We've worked out a plan to decrease your name recognition.'

"Phizby, your can't do attitude has really cut down on screw-ups around here. Keep up the good work!"

'You always wanted a larger office with a view.'

"I guess the point I'm trying to make is, calling the committee on Progress and Evolution a bunch of know-it-all nincompoops might have felt good when you said it, but..."

'I've decided to make you someone else's problem.'

'I fu*@!Ng hate you!!!'

'He lost his whistle,'

'The fact that you worked as an unpaid intern shows you don't understand the concept of being a banker.'

'What's your favourite operating system?' - 'I don't have one.' - 'Well, you killed that conversation.' - 'It deserved to die.'

'To Err is human...but to forgive is against company policy!'

"Can't you just troll me?"

"Hey - let's not us re-invent wheel."

'On second thought, he does do one thing around the house -- he cleans out the refrigerator.'

"How about fashionably never?"

"Hey, Gary. Lois wanted to know if you’re up for waiting forever for reheated leftovers and sipping warm mimosas intended to ease the pain of poor service amid a cacophony of idiot tourists and 20-year-olds... you know, brunch."

Didn't we fire you last week?

"Whoes jumping? My secretary enforces a strict 'No Smoking' policy"

"Congratulations, gentlemen - we have achieved failure."