Sarcastic Quote Collector Pillows

'I never question your ability. I never even mention it.'

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

'All we can do is hope for identity theft.'

Redhead

"Because you've been working so little, you can have the rest of your career here off."

Honest Voting Stickers

'I had to stamp down on staff using nicknames at work. They even had one for me!'

"I'm not worried about identity theft. Who'd want to be me?"

"True, it is 'organic.' It's also a dead squirrel!"

"I work smart, instead of hard. You do all the work and I take all the credit."

'Don't give up hope, Senator- We've worked out a plan to decrease your name recognition.'

"I'm a strict vegan with dietary limitations due to specific food allergies. What should I get?" "A taxi."

"I don't see any mention of quicksand skills on your resume."

'And the good news is you can finish out your 'Employee-of-the-Month' term before cleaning out your desk.'

'I owe you an apology, Greffman -- Let's keep it that way.'

'He lost his whistle,'

"The damsel-in-distress thing is just one of several income streams that I pursue."

"Yeah, these things smell disgusting, but if you line your nest with them, you get insulation and it helps to keep the eggs warm..."

"... and God bless my mom and her courage to call this food."

'I may scream at you occasionally. Pay no attention. I may rant and rave...pay no attention...I may even fire you occasionally. PAY ATTENTION!'

"Lemme guess: You forgot the basil Mom asked for, and my ice cream is in your briefcase?"

"There is no 'I' in 'team', however there are several 'I's in 'I'm the boss and you do what I say'."

"I want you to drink more beer, eat more fatty foods and take less exercise."

"You think you have the boss from hell?!"

"It's a 'get worse soon card' from your ex wife."

"Hey, if we're getting laid off, it's every man for himself!"

Men Not Working.

'Oh he's sporty all right - he can be up and down on his stairlift in under ten minutes'

"Mine has a terrible battery life."

"Don't look at me. I'm just the gay friend."