Sarcasm Collector Pillows

"I wouldn't say your son is a bad child. He's gifted at disruptive behavior."

"Your call is important to us, just not as important as whatever else we're doing."

Sign says 'If you can still read this you ordered too many beverages.'

BANK CLIENT CARE 'It works for me'.

Shaun had a potato on his shoulder, a chip wasn't enough.

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

Do you believe in free love?

"Living in a city with functional infrastructure must be so boring."

"Tight......this isn't tight...now a New York City apartment......that's tight."

'This time we're going to do things right. And if that doesn't work, we'll just go back to stealing.'

"No, I didn't steal your content. I just have your content's doppleganger."

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

"This is the perfect way to watch movies if you love mosquitoes and having a cold, wet butt."

Smart Ass - Wise Ass

He's in training for the rugby World Cup.

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

To no ones surprise, they ran head-on into one another. (All couples are wearing teachers reading 'I'm with Stupid'.)

"So, you say I'll be doubling the numbers of animals I kill?"

'What's that? It's a leaving present for the next person who comes in late.'

German Expressionist Breakfast

#Thanksgiving #Nofilter

"Hoskins, try saying 'profits are up' without the finger quotes, okay?"

"Let's consider an early dive."

"You're a strong, virile stallion of a man, Randy. Has anyone ever told you that?"

"Lost my job. But I'm pretty sure it's around here somewhere."

"The announcement of the changes really went well."

Sign on desk reads: 'Thanks for not wishing me a nice day.'

"I thought they were cracking down on jaywalking."

"Cards to remind people that you still haven’t gotten a thank you note from them"

"My tariffs will move the world in a new direction!!"

The Snarky District

While old, sick, and weak animals remained targets, the lions most enjoyed culling the herd of its sarcastic teenagers.

'The Burrito King.'

"This is Briggs, our new department head. He's got an amazing knack for reducing complex problems into easy-to-understand witch hunts!"