Sarcasm Enjoyer Pillows

"We can now pay our water bill online, and for the sheer joy of doing so, they only charge an extra $2 dollars."

Man with melted cup

'I've given the computer artificial intelligence and it can think.' - 'I think you're probably a fine scientist but, as a person, you're a jerk!'

Lawyers happen.

"I never have more than one glass."

"Living in a city with functional infrastructure must be so boring."

"Tight......this isn't tight...now a New York City apartment......that's tight."

'This time we're going to do things right. And if that doesn't work, we'll just go back to stealing.'

"No, I didn't steal your content. I just have your content's doppleganger."

"This is the perfect way to watch movies if you love mosquitoes and having a cold, wet butt."

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

Smart Ass - Wise Ass

He's in training for the rugby World Cup.

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

'That's not really what I meant by 'let your hair down', Rapunzel.'

To no ones surprise, they ran head-on into one another. (All couples are wearing teachers reading 'I'm with Stupid'.)

"So, you say I'll be doubling the numbers of animals I kill?"

'What's that? It's a leaving present for the next person who comes in late.'

German Expressionist Breakfast

#Thanksgiving #Nofilter

You want me to be a what? A hipster. My research shows caf

"You're a strong, virile stallion of a man, Randy. Has anyone ever told you that?"

"Let's consider an early dive."

"Hoskins, try saying 'profits are up' without the finger quotes, okay?"

"Lost my job. But I'm pretty sure it's around here somewhere."

Sign on desk reads: 'Thanks for not wishing me a nice day.'

"The announcement of the changes really went well."

"I thought they were cracking down on jaywalking."

Devil's food cake/Angel's food cake. Delivery mix-up.

While old, sick, and weak animals remained targets, the lions most enjoyed culling the herd of its sarcastic teenagers.

"To address this mistake we must be professional and use root-cause analysis. I'll start by saying it's not my fault...."

"To save time, I'll just mention the people I’m not thanking."

"This is Briggs, our new department head. He's got an amazing knack for reducing complex problems into easy-to-understand witch hunts!"

The Snarky District