Sarcasm Admirer Pillows

Narcissist Cards

Seized the wrong moment.

"How many shots did you have at the 19th hole?"

'Thanks for NOT wishing me a nice day!'

Idiots!

Wise Guy Cookies

'Has anyone ever told you that you have really bad broth?'

'I hate to exaggerate, but I must say, you look fairly presentable.'

'Alas, poor Yorick. He couldn't handle the corporate culture.'

Angry golfer with gun

'People just don't seem to trust me further than they can throw me.'

"Pretty Polly.....Who The Hell Is Polly?"

'You've got the wrong idiot, number.'

'Me signing it doesn't make it a better read.'

"We only serve large menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones"

'No, you can't bum a cigarette, but here's some second hand smoke.'

Women's Idea of Sharing/Men's Idea of Sharing.

'But I can't run! I'm under house arrest!'

"Travel restrictions prevented his mum from visiting us and telling me all the things I do wrong....who knew covid had an upside?"

"Someone throw him a punchline!"

'Ignore the knuckle-walk. Morton's on track for alpha male.'

"What am I, chopped liver?"

'We used to be the Friendly Loan Co, but things have tightened up in financials.'

"You'tll scare people to death dressed like that." "What people?" "Well, me for starters!"

A smoking man stands near the Pearly Gates and sees a sign: Smoking Section(an arrow on the sign is pointing down).

Expired Parking Meter

Say it with flowers.

Seasick passengers being asked to tip the steward

Heart palpitations. What? I've got sweaty palms, weak knees, aches, dizzy, warm brow

"Are you going to eat that?"

A man looks at a gas station sign that has a banner hanging from it that reads "Try our low, low 4.9% financing!".

"Living in a city with functional infrastructure must be so boring."

"Tight......this isn't tight...now a New York City apartment......that's tight."

'This time we're going to do things right. And if that doesn't work, we'll just go back to stealing.'

"No, I didn't steal your content. I just have your content's doppleganger."