Sarcasm Aficionado Pillows

'How long do we have to get in compliance?'

Three office doors: 'Idea People,' 'Make It Happen People,' and 'Make it Like This Never Happened People.'

'I'm not going to lie to you. We've been having our share of legal problems.'

Greeting cards: Get Well, Get Over It.

'Unfortunately, it's fighting an uphill battle against our first name, which is 'Apathy.''

'Oh, a drug test. That's a relief. I thought you were going to test my ethics.'

'How about we don't pay these bills and hope, in the meantime, someone steals our identity.'

"I'm not climbing down there to fetch your teeth. Serves you right for spitting."

Office worker on phone: 'If you could just email me the faxes of the photocopies of the transcripts of the fifteen phone messages in question, that would probably be the simplest.'

'My sources tell me, Jenkins, that you've requested one lunch break and several bathroom breaks each day. I consider that a sign of weakness. You're fired.'

"Relax, you only missed one payment. Don't beat yourself up. That's my job."

'What's your blood type?'

'For our anniversary I bought myself a truck, and her a carpet cleaner...which explains my condition.'

"Does it hurt when I do that?"

"The announcement of the changes really went well."

Mom's Electronics

"His underwear was spotless."

"This doesn't exactly fill me with confidence, I must admit."

"You know what they say - what doesn't kill you only makes you older."

"Don't be so chintzy with the life line!"

'Hey, we have one of those. You hang your laundry on it.'

Dry Cleaners - Overcoats Cleaned While U Wait!

'What are you doing?' - 'I'm compiling all of my lists into a spreadsheet... duh.' - 'You're ridiculous...' - 'I'm adding you to my 'discouraging people' worksheet for that unhelpful comment.' - 'Oh, sod off!' - 'Now I'm cross referencing you with my 'per

"That's not just our motto, that's our pay scale."

Realistic terms of agreement options. . .

On this site in the spring of 1832 not a damn thing happened.

'Do you have one that comes with a disclaimer?'

'You STUPID fool Ryan! Didn't i warn you not to go JUDGING his cover?!' / A book has just been bashed around a bit for judging another book's cover.

'Sorry, folks! The CEO and Board of Directors didn't show up.'

'Are you sure he's a plumber? I can't see his butt crack.'

Low self esteem workshop - 'You missed it. It finished two hours ago, you useless pillock.'

The newspaper says that dinosaurs went extinct some 225 million years ago! Just like real me!

'Oh yeah! I guess you think your barge doesn't stink.'

'We can exchange information, or, if you prefer, I can punch you in the face and forget the whole thing ever happened.'

'Pick up your feet when you walk.'