Sarcasm Appreciators Pillows

"I want some flowers that say 'Here, have some friggin' flowers.'"

Hell hath no fury like a bum scorned. ?

Happy Hour 5-6, but don't read a lot into it.

"How about a round of applause for our graphics department for enhancing our slide into oblivion."

'You're a little far gone for a regular appetite suppressant -- I'm going to prescribe a Mickey Finn.'

"Let me get this straight - You're divorcing him because of a fortune cookie message?"

"Big deal, Herb. So you have the power to fly, get over yourself!"

"Living in a city with functional infrastructure must be so boring."

"Tight......this isn't tight...now a New York City apartment......that's tight."

'This time we're going to do things right. And if that doesn't work, we'll just go back to stealing.'

"No, I didn't steal your content. I just have your content's doppleganger."

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

Smart Ass - Wise Ass

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

'That's not really what I meant by 'let your hair down', Rapunzel.'

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

He's in training for the rugby World Cup.

To no ones surprise, they ran head-on into one another. (All couples are wearing teachers reading 'I'm with Stupid'.)

"So, you say I'll be doubling the numbers of animals I kill?"

'What's that? It's a leaving present for the next person who comes in late.'

#Thanksgiving #Nofilter

"Let's consider an early dive."

"Hoskins, try saying 'profits are up' without the finger quotes, okay?"

You want me to be a what? A hipster. My research shows caf

"You're a strong, virile stallion of a man, Randy. Has anyone ever told you that?"

"Lost my job. But I'm pretty sure it's around here somewhere."

Sign on desk reads: 'Thanks for not wishing me a nice day.'

"The announcement of the changes really went well."

"I thought they were cracking down on jaywalking."

The Snarky District

"To address this mistake we must be professional and use root-cause analysis. I'll start by saying it's not my fault...."

Czarcasm

"Cards to remind people that you still haven’t gotten a thank you note from them"

"This is Briggs, our new department head. He's got an amazing knack for reducing complex problems into easy-to-understand witch hunts!"