Sarcasm And Wit Appreciator Pillows

"No one is denying that you're smart. For that to happen someone would have to say you're smart."

"Living in a city with functional infrastructure must be so boring."

'This time we're going to do things right. And if that doesn't work, we'll just go back to stealing.'

I've been teaching art history for decades. Students today ask new kinds of questions. No, I doubt a gluten-free menu option was available that evening. Nope, the artist was not making a statement about climate change. No, despite the umbrellas, this is not about sun exposure safety. Well, yes, I suppose you can say it's a selfie.

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

He's in training for the rugby World Cup.

'That's not really what I meant by 'let your hair down', Rapunzel.'

"Who's got the hammer?"

"So, you say I'll be doubling the numbers of animals I kill?"

"Well, what did you expect? They were both missing vital organs."

"Lost my job. But I'm pretty sure it's around here somewhere."

'This guy loves giving stump speeches. Ironically, they're all against deforestation.'

"We didn't want to know the gender in advance."

'The boss said I never made any profits and I never found customers worth mentioning and that's why he promoted me to the company's chief bad example!'

"Someone throw him a punchline!"

'Oh Hi!'

"Steamed vegetables."

Don Quixote is Caged (Don Quixote).

"To address this mistake we must be professional and use root-cause analysis. I'll start by saying it's not my fault...."

Updated Classis: Alice Through the You Tube.

I put a picture of my lunch on Facebook, and nobody hit "like." Who doesn't like Slim Jims and beer?

The Snarky District

"Nice epic battle between good and evil!"

While old, sick, and weak animals remained targets, the lions most enjoyed culling the herd of its sarcastic teenagers.

"Does anyone know where we keep the unwritten rules?"

'This one is for serving 27 years in the military without anyone finding out I'm gay.'

Pharaoh Cocoon

'It's cutting edge theatre.'

The Greek Trampoline

"I do have a special someone, but he sucks."

'My firm has an entire department that does nothing but adjust for inflation.'

Earthlings, show us your sporting interests. This is golf. Hit the ball with the club. This is tennis. Hit that ball with the racket. This is volleyball. Hit that ball with your hand. Hitting, hitting, hitting. It's all so violent. How do you relax? We hit the hot tub.

"He's my smart-aleck twin."

"How long were you in the waiting room?"