Animal Sarcasm Admirer Pillows

Joe's Vet and Taxidermy

"Living in a city with functional infrastructure must be so boring."

"Tight......this isn't tight...now a New York City apartment......that's tight."

'This time we're going to do things right. And if that doesn't work, we'll just go back to stealing.'

"No, I didn't steal your content. I just have your content's doppleganger."

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

Smart Ass - Wise Ass

He's in training for the rugby World Cup.

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

'If Earwigs looked like baby seals:'

To no ones surprise, they ran head-on into one another. (All couples are wearing teachers reading 'I'm with Stupid'.)

Lactose Intolerant

"You should be sniffed, and often, by someone who knows how."

'What's that? It's a leaving present for the next person who comes in late.'

"Hey, pal, let's hear 'Doggie in the Window' again, and this time play it like you mean it!"

"So, you say I'll be doubling the numbers of animals I kill?"

#Thanksgiving #Nofilter

"Really? They're now giving out non-participation trophies?"

"You're a strong, virile stallion of a man, Randy. Has anyone ever told you that?"

"Let's consider an early dive."

"Hoskins, try saying 'profits are up' without the finger quotes, okay?"

"Lost my job. But I'm pretty sure it's around here somewhere."

Sign on desk reads: 'Thanks for not wishing me a nice day.'

"The announcement of the changes really went well."

"I thought they were cracking down on jaywalking."

"To address this mistake we must be professional and use root-cause analysis. I'll start by saying it's not my fault...."

Cat and mouse

Czarcasm

"Say hello to my little friend."

"Cards to remind people that you still haven’t gotten a thank you note from them"

"My tariffs will move the world in a new direction!!"

The Snarky District

While old, sick, and weak animals remained targets, the lions most enjoyed culling the herd of its sarcastic teenagers.

"This is Briggs, our new department head. He's got an amazing knack for reducing complex problems into easy-to-understand witch hunts!"