Dog Owner Who Loves Sarcasm Pillows

"Your offer to compromise has been rejected and your dog has been cast out."

'This time we're going to do things right. And if that doesn't work, we'll just go back to stealing.'

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

Smart Ass - Wise Ass

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

"What's wrong, boy? Is Timmy stuck in the well? Are zombies at your doggy door? A fire? Squirrels are holding your bone hostage? My Spotify stock just tanked?..." "He thinks he's real funny."

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

"Really? They're now giving out non-participation trophies?"

"Let's consider an early dive."

"Lost my job. But I'm pretty sure it's around here somewhere."

"The announcement of the changes really went well."

"Cards to remind people that you still haven’t gotten a thank you note from them"

Czarcasm

"To address this mistake we must be professional and use root-cause analysis. I'll start by saying it's not my fault...."

While old, sick, and weak animals remained targets, the lions most enjoyed culling the herd of its sarcastic teenagers.

Dog Dressed to Eat

The Snarky District

"Shake! Good Dog."

"Does anyone know where we keep the unwritten rules?"

"I do have a special someone, but he sucks."

"He's my smart-aleck twin."

'My firm has an entire department that does nothing but adjust for inflation.'

'I wouldn't kick her out of bed.'

"Yes, we voted remain - how did you guess?"

'How effective is this new weight-loss regime?' 'We can guarantee you'll lose £50 at your signing on.'

Batsford doesn't suffer fools gladly.

After chasing the rabbit for many hours, Buster found himself very far from home indeed.

"We don't have sex any more, we argue about money and you hate my mother. We should be married."

"And lastly, for my infinite perseverance, self-control and fortitude, I'd like to thank the Internet trolls."

Don't worry, the first thirty years working here are the hardest.

"Really? That's the only game in this house?"

'You're good with people. Just tell him to go fuck himself.'

"Larry, what's the weather forecast?" "Let me ask you something. Did you make waffles this morning? Because someone had maple syrup on their hands, and I seem to recall a hand moving me... a pretty, pretty, pretty sticky hand..."

'This program is geared towards the youth market. You give it up to five commands and it closes down in a huff!'

"Sigh...Another sherry Harold...Go team ect."