Humor-loving Dog Owner Pillows

'...I'd prefer it if you didn't fetch my iPad.'

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

Skeleton playing fetch.

"Shake! Good Dog."

Dog Dressed to Eat

"If he tries to dip, Mrs. Callister, you mustn't hesitate to use the choke chain."

"We're slapping you with a stress suit, pal!"

After chasing the rabbit for many hours, Buster found himself very far from home indeed.

"And always remember...If you're going to be sick, always do it on the carpet. It's more absorbent."

'Mint?! These taste like cardboard!'

'I want a dog who will fetch my things, so don't sell me one that drools.'

"What> Fitness isn't a destination, it's a way of life."

"When I get to heaven do you think I'll get my testicles back?"

'Sometimes I feel sorry for those little baitfish, don't you, Ben?'

"[Old Steak Bone Tavern]"

"You say you're flossing, but I'm scraping off a lot of tennis ball fuzz."

"Bad Dog!!! You can't trust those chocolate labs."

'Toilet paper, Lassie! Fetch toilet paper! Stupid mutt!'

'Satchel, life is like a can of tuna...'

"The party was a total surprise! Everybody jumped out and screamed 'Happy Birthday' just as I was licking my balls!"

'This won't take long, nurse. This is the dog that got my best friend last summer.'

"Bad dog!"

'I do some light mousework for them in return for room and board.'

'The pats on the head are nice, but I need more compensation...'

"I'm getting a little itchy to redo the bedroom!"

When Pugs dream.

"Here he comes! Don't move."

"Generally, when we go around the table sharing what we're grateful for, we just *say* it, Jerry."

"Well, if it wasn't you who meowed, and it certainly wasn't me who meowed...then...who...meowed?"

-'Do you have a last wish senor?' -'Yeah, I'd like to pee on your leg.'

'Forget about marriage conselling: Me, I sent Max to Obedience School instead...'

"Oh, God, am I housebroken."

Labradoodle/Labradon't-le

"You hit the ball- that's ping. Your opponent hits the ball- that's pong!"

'That's the problem with Dacshunds, you can never tell whether they're coming or going.'