Teen Sarcasm Aficionado Pillows

"Really? They're now giving out non-participation trophies?"

'This time we're going to do things right. And if that doesn't work, we'll just go back to stealing.'

"This is the perfect way to watch movies if you love mosquitoes and having a cold, wet butt."

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

Smart Ass - Wise Ass

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

"Let's consider an early dive."

"Lost my job. But I'm pretty sure it's around here somewhere."

"The announcement of the changes really went well."

"Cards to remind people that you still haven’t gotten a thank you note from them"

Czarcasm

"To address this mistake we must be professional and use root-cause analysis. I'll start by saying it's not my fault...."

While old, sick, and weak animals remained targets, the lions most enjoyed culling the herd of its sarcastic teenagers.

"Someone throw him a punchline!"

The Snarky District

"Does anyone know where we keep the unwritten rules?"

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

Beware of Falling Notice.

"'How We Die' - fabulous!"

"This number goes out to all the little people I met on my way back down."

"Yes, we voted remain - how did you guess?"

'I wouldn't kick her out of bed.'

'My firm has an entire department that does nothing but adjust for inflation.'

"He's my smart-aleck twin."

"I do have a special someone, but he sucks."

"I lettered in spelling."

"Of course I won't forget to tell you when quarantine's over!"

'How effective is this new weight-loss regime?' 'We can guarantee you'll lose £50 at your signing on.'

"Larry, what's the weather forecast?" "Let me ask you something. Did you make waffles this morning? Because someone had maple syrup on their hands, and I seem to recall a hand moving me... a pretty, pretty, pretty sticky hand..."

'This program is geared towards the youth market. You give it up to five commands and it closes down in a huff!'

'You're good with people. Just tell him to go fuck himself.'

"If I ever start turning into my father do me a favor and don't turn into my mother."

"And lastly, for my infinite perseverance, self-control and fortitude, I'd like to thank the Internet trolls."

"We don't have sex any more, we argue about money and you hate my mother. We should be married."