Teen Sarcasm Aficionado Pillows

"Really? They're now giving out non-participation trophies?"

'This time we're going to do things right. And if that doesn't work, we'll just go back to stealing.'

"This is the perfect way to watch movies if you love mosquitoes and having a cold, wet butt."

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

Smart Ass - Wise Ass

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

'That's not really what I meant by 'let your hair down', Rapunzel.'

"Let's consider an early dive."

"Lost my job. But I'm pretty sure it's around here somewhere."

"The announcement of the changes really went well."

"Someone throw him a punchline!"

"Cards to remind people that you still haven’t gotten a thank you note from them"

Czarcasm

While old, sick, and weak animals remained targets, the lions most enjoyed culling the herd of its sarcastic teenagers.

"It's good to know she was butchered for a noble cause."

"To address this mistake we must be professional and use root-cause analysis. I'll start by saying it's not my fault...."

The Snarky District

"Does anyone know where we keep the unwritten rules?"

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

Beware of Falling Notice.

'I wouldn't kick her out of bed.'

"I do have a special someone, but he sucks."

"'How We Die' - fabulous!"

"I lettered in spelling."

"He's my smart-aleck twin."

"Yes, we voted remain - how did you guess?"

'My firm has an entire department that does nothing but adjust for inflation.'

"This number goes out to all the little people I met on my way back down."

"Of course I won't forget to tell you when quarantine's over!"

'How effective is this new weight-loss regime?' 'We can guarantee you'll lose £50 at your signing on.'

"If I ever start turning into my father do me a favor and don't turn into my mother."

'You're good with people. Just tell him to go fuck himself.'

'This program is geared towards the youth market. You give it up to five commands and it closes down in a huff!'

Don't worry, the first thirty years working here are the hardest.

"And lastly, for my infinite perseverance, self-control and fortitude, I'd like to thank the Internet trolls."