Friend With A Sarcastic Dog Pillows

"What's wrong, boy? Is Timmy stuck in the well? Are zombies at your doggy door? A fire? Squirrels are holding your bone hostage? My Spotify stock just tanked?..." "He thinks he's real funny."

"We're just going to have to face the fact that you're not a puppy anymore!"

"Shake! Good Dog."

"I think I'm beginning to embrace humiliation."

After chasing the rabbit for many hours, Buster found himself very far from home indeed.

"I see you mister mail carrier... that's it, just keep walking... don't even think abo—did you just look at my house?! Are you looking for trouble? Cujo ain't got #!@* on me."

Unbeknownst to most, dogs are actually greedy bastards searching for gold,

"He may be neutered and declawed, but he's still dangerous."

Dog on balconey in city sniffing tree in pot

he used to belong to a cartoonist

"When I get to heaven do you think I'll get my testicles back?"

"Oh, for Pete’s sake – it’s the ocean!"

"What's that smell, girl? Is it spring?"

Fetching some fuel.

"If you could live your life all over again, what dead animals would you roll in?"

"Yeah, I've put on a lot of weight, but my master's favourite command is "sit, sit, sit!" I barely ever get to exercise..."

"True, it is 'organic.' It's also a dead squirrel!"

'You always wanted a larger office with a view.'

'No need to shout.'

"Ever since I started reading the newspaper online, he's been bringing me my laptop."

Dog's game

"I hate it when he gets all Robin Williamsy."

"The party was a total surprise! Everybody jumped out and screamed 'Happy Birthday' just as I was licking my balls!"

"He's anxious to resume perpetrating his usual activities."

'Perhaps you'd like to explain this,'

"The fragrance of the pines alloys so wonderfully with that dead carcass I'm about to roll in."

"Is your regret that there were three of them or that they were blind?"

'What does he mean, we're not on the list?'

'The pats on the head are nice, but I need more compensation...'

'you just don't get the idea of being a watchdog, do you?'

'Well sure, YOU'VE got brakes on FOUR wheels!'

A dog at the bar having a drink out of a toilet bowl.

'His jaw got stuck when he tried to fetch the Sunday paper!'