Sarcastic Problem Solver Pillows

"The Help Desk guy says to try Ctrl-Alt-Delete....!"

'You'll be able to lead a normal life after the operation -- except, of course, for your enormous medical bills.'

'That was creepy. They ran short on cadavers, so we operated on the dean of students.'

'Caesar salad?'

"All dishes marked with an asterisk are served with sarcasm. . ."

"Let's wait for it to come out on cable and then not watch it."

"I work smart, instead of hard. You do all the work and I take all the credit."

Waiter indicates cutlery for diner's tiny meal, saying: 'The one on the right is your mangnifying glass, sir.'

"Take one three times a day and come back in 43 years."

'Gentlemen, it's time we tightened our belts.'

'On second thought, he does do one thing around the house -- he cleans out the refrigerator.'

"Can you train him to bite my husband whenever the trash gets full?"

"Send them in for their Christmas bonuses."

"We have met today because you, Cynthia, and you, Kevin, now want to look together for a scapegoat to blame for your stupidity, your laziness, your total failure, and for your antisocial behaviour."

'You have no new messages in your mailbox.'

"So is that enough 'putting out' for you?"

'It seems that my advice wasn't the only thing he could do without.'

"Will you stop doing that please? Isn't it obvious to you that I just don't fancy him?!"

"No, I didn't fake it last night. I really was asleep"

'We lost six nil!. . . and we were lucky to get the nil!'

"I thought you said his name was Mr Know-it-all?"

'Although he can't come to the phone right now, he wouldn't like you to know that your call is of no interest to him.'

So sorry, I dialled the wrong number. I dialled my salary by mistake.

How to be more passive-aggressive, if that's what you really want.

Diet Foods: Bread and Water

"I see that failure isn't an option for you, is it? More of an imperative."

"Happy Birthday, dear. Remember. . . it's the thought that counts!"

'Fine, thank you. And how are you?'

Do you mind if I cross-examine the witness from ten feet away, your honor? I want to be in compliance with the terms of a preexisting restraining order.

'There's something wrong with my stomach.' - 'Keep your coat buttoned and nobody will notice.'

"Wrap it up, sir. Schadenfreude visiting hours are almost over."

'I tried everything to get my class to pay attention. I tried bribes,sarcasm,guilt,shame and threats. nothing works! Are you paying attention to what I'm saying?'

'Our line is dead. Sometimes my old boyfriend goes off his medication.'

"This scarf's too tight. . !"

"I almost didn't recognize him with that sheet over his face instead of a newspaper."