Sarcastic Salary Earner Pillows

So sorry, I dialled the wrong number. I dialled my salary by mistake.

'Congratulations, dear! Your home cooked dinner was so good you'd think it was an expensive frozen entree!'

'You'll be able to lead a normal life after the operation -- except, of course, for your enormous medical bills.'

'How was your holiday?' - 'Fantastic! Great weather! Great food! No illness!' - 'So, back to work tomorrow, then?' - 'Yeah, I guess so.' - 'Lousy, germ free holiday.'

'I miss telling people they can't have a day off to be with their sick children!'

'Here, we don't need a retirement plan. If you do your job as we want it, you'll directly go from your desk to hell.'

'Caesar salad?'

"All dishes marked with an asterisk are served with sarcasm. . ."

Hey, how was space? Fine. Jeez. The adolescent astronaut.

'In this world, son, you've got to learn to push yourself.'

Tolls: Must have exact change and tails up.

'Ms. Hatton, take a letter, a number and a hike...'

"Sir, can I interest you in a luxury coffin?"

"No, I said go knock yourself out."

"I hate doing appraisals, it involves thinking about them."

"I work smart, instead of hard. You do all the work and I take all the credit."

The average taxpayer will ultimately embrace the auto industry bailout. Hell, we sold em all that useless undercoating for all these years!

"Look, you guys call here all the time and we keep telling you - we don't tale telemarketing calls! If you call one more time, I..."

'What will it be tonight? Gore and dismemberment, idiotic and foul-mouthed comedy aimed at fifteen-year-old boys, a macho revenge fantasy, or our special combo platter?'

"You dumb clod! Do you realize you're almost two minutes late?"

Waiter indicates cutlery for diner's tiny meal, saying: 'The one on the right is your mangnifying glass, sir.'

"Sorry, I'm not criticizing your driving so much as I'm marvelling that you're still alive."

Jenkins! Why is it everything in this office is voice-activated except you?

"Take one three times a day and come back in 43 years."

'Gentlemen, it's time we tightened our belts.'

"For my will I decided to cut out the middle man and bequeath all my money to the IRS."

This is a voice recognition service...we reserve the right to cut you off if you have an irritating nasal sort of voice.

"Fetch!" "Sorry, I'm on a break."

"I'm not whining."

"Oh, Stan, I love your sarcastic sense of humor."

I'm keeping my phone on...we'll need a wake up call after this guy speaks!

"So, Ben, what do you want to be when you stop sponging off your parents?"

"Pigheaded, Fat Scumbag, who should be wiped off the face of the earth, is there an emoji for that?"

"You're taking this 'King Of Beasts' thing too seriously."

"You know, crime doesn't pay... at least at your level."