Sarcasm Seeker Pillows

"He's a curmudgeon now, but he used to be just a mean old bastard."

"It doesn't look good. Leave it with us overnight and hope it gets stolen."

'I find it difficult not to entertain the occasional negative thought.'

"I'm sorry, but we've traced the negative influence back to you."

Bank 'n' Burger

'Though you didn't actually attack the victim, your endlessly droning on about technical stuff did bore him to death.'

How Not To Start Off A Negotiation Process.

Beware of Pyramid Schemes.

'It's not the massive foul-up that concerns me. What concerns me is that we failed at the massive cover-up.'

Sigmund Freud, Massage Therapist

Skin specialist.

"Just a second while I get your letter out of my file."

"Could you make it a dollar and a dime, sir? ? My agent gets 10%."

Our little mole problem is getting worse.

The whine of the month selection - Why me?

It was humming. What did you expect me to do? Teach it the words?

Afraid of change - leave it here.

"Why didn't you warn me?"

'The company's team-building retreat was where I was singled out and attacked!'

'Remember, Junior, in business, you're nobody until somebody loathes you.'

'But occasionally, there's some accidental collateral damage.'

I hate getting ready for Y1K.

Bereavement cards and congratulations cards. Man asks: 'Do you have anything that kind of combines the two?'

'Funeral Director'

'You're lucky you retired before they REALLY started downsizing.'

German Expressionist Breakfast

"All I know is, this is my first day and they're paying minimum wage."

'Nine out of ten doctors think excessive drinking is bad for your health.'

'Cold hands, warm heart,' my ass, thought Bessie.

'I'm going to have to go with the leeches on this one....'

Vulture declines fresh food.

'I'll be frank with you -- to adequately represent you in Congress, I have to be a crook.'

'There is no chef. Would you like to take it up with one of our microwave technicians?'

'Doctor, how much acupuncture experience DO you have?'

'Lady, your 'just browsing' is costing me 23 security cameras and 3 floor detectives.'