Sarcasm Seekers Pillows

Fastburger - would you like lies with that

"OMG! They're eating noses!"

'The 'Quick Response Team' doesn't answer.'

'Excuse me, Mr. Pavlik, but that gentleman you called an idiot is here. Should I still say you're not in?'

"(Huff) Here's (huff) your (huff) tea (huff... huff... huff... huff...)" "I will almost certainly regret asking you this, but what on earth are you doing, you cretin?" "All (huff) across America, (huff) office workers are ditching (huff) their desks and walking (huff) on treadmills while they work." "Can I get some water?" "Coming right up." "Good thing I wore my tripping shoes."

"We take the appearance of responsive customer service very seriously."

"For Pete's sake Harold, take mine. These banks have cameras you know."

"Lets take a cab. I can afford it."

'How can you accuse me of drunkeness?'

'I call him 'the exorcist' because he sees off all the spirits in the house.'

'New product to keep your tummy in!'

'Embrace nonviolence!', 'I don't see how THAT'S going to help.'

'Let's face it, Cap'n -- we're dead in the water!'

"Why can't David Blaine just stick himself somewhere and not involve he rest of us?"

'Dear Sir. Not much a letter, is it?'

Lenny the Cadaver dog had one heck of a story to tell the boys at the k-9 training...

'Once upon a time, there were two humans...now there are over five billion of them.'

"I said just a Little Off the top!"

Any other honours or awards besides a gold star in your infants' school?

I told you this place was a sweatshop.

'Well a lot of good it was to look there!'

"Living in a city with functional infrastructure must be so boring."

"Tight......this isn't tight...now a New York City apartment......that's tight."

'This time we're going to do things right. And if that doesn't work, we'll just go back to stealing.'

"No, I didn't steal your content. I just have your content's doppleganger."

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

He's in training for the rugby World Cup.

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

To no ones surprise, they ran head-on into one another. (All couples are wearing teachers reading 'I'm with Stupid'.)

"So, you say I'll be doubling the numbers of animals I kill?"

'What's that? It's a leaving present for the next person who comes in late.'

#Thanksgiving #Nofilter

German Expressionist Breakfast

"You're a strong, virile stallion of a man, Randy. Has anyone ever told you that?"