Sarcasm Lover Of Health Advice Gifts

'You are talking about health? Ha! My cig does not have calories, fat, cholesterol, carbohydrates and sugar!'

'Your 'bad' cholesterol levels are right off the chart.'

'Side effects may include....'

'It's either a boo-boo or an owwie, but the doctors need to run some more tests before they decide.'

'You've got the worst case of whatever this is, I've ever seen.'

"I try to 'go with the flow' doc, but my prostate is an unwilling participant!"

How To Make A Pigs Ear Out Of Swine Flu.

'Tell the doctor to hurry. It's an emergency. I just turned middle aged!'

'I understand you know how to treat a woman.'

Groups of menopausal women in clinic.

"While you were under, I had all your friends come in and sign your heart stent."

"You have a heart murmur and I'm starting to hear your liver and kidneys complain."

NHS notice - This is a bring your own bed hospital

'We can't afford advertising like this! That's one page for the drug and two just for the side effects!'

"Tell me Mr. Jones. Does it hurt when I do this?"

'I'm sending you to see another doctor, he's a specialist in hyperchondria.'

"You're in the "Stone Age." You've got kidney stones, gall stones, and bladder stones."

'Yes doctor, it did hurt when you did that!'

'I don't want you to give up eating entirely -- just the food part.'

Milk Toast: One of the World's Most Deadly Foods!

"My doctor told me to get outdoors more, so now I put on more yard sales."

"I didn't even get a balloon."

'Hey, Lori! Take a look at Mr. Geckler's EKG!'

'The doctors ruled out a remarkable recovery. You'll get better, they just don't think it'll be all that remarkable.'

'The items with the little hearts will clog your arteries the fastest.'

'Give Mr. Fogarty his testosterone injection, Nurse, and then run like the dickens!'

'Yes, it is a carrot. You haven't been getting enough fibre.'

'Key hole surgery....but wouldn't it be easier if you were actually in the room with me...'

According to your chart, your leg is a pre-existing condition, Mr. Fusco. My entire body is a pre-existing condition, Doctor. (This cartoon was originally published on 2010-08-12).

'Pistachio ice cream does not cpont as a serving of greens.'

'It's quite common with men your age. You've got a silver duct tapeworm.'

"But doc, I can't understand what my body is telling me. It's mouth is always full!"

"Your husband's laryngitis will probably last another wee but your blood pressure is nothing short of miraculous."

"I just want to know if I'm healthy enough for bacon?"

"The answer isn't more troops—what you need is an antibiotic."