Health Satire Enthusiast Gifts

How To Make A Pigs Ear Out Of Swine Flu.

'I think we can take you off the all-fish diet now, Mr Isbister.'

Woman visits a dietitian and comes out a skeleton.

"Everyone dismisses me as just a flu bug. But I know in my heart I'm so much more than that."

"I know other hospitals are worried about the superbug, but ours is the only one that understands the accounts system."

Providing Healthcare For All

'Maybe it is psychosomatic.'

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

'Well, what do I have?...Within reason, of course.'

"I'm putting you on a beef diet. Nothing beef for breakfast, nothing beef for lunch, nothing beef for tea, nothing beef for..."

'I think it's damn unprofessional for a dermatologist to scream 'Yikes' like that.'

'Your 'bad' cholesterol levels are right off the chart.'

'We'll need to run some preliminary tests to see if you're healthy enough for more invasive follow-up tests.'

'Well, this is a first †he's got repetitive motion syndrome from eating!'

'As you know, medical costs have skyrocketed -- that'll be fifty cents.'

'I only got up for a drink of water, and a queue's formed next to my bed.'

We can't call the doctor, we can't call the nurse, we have to call the lady with the alligator purse.

'Take one of these three times a day until you start to feel better.'

Auto parts, Lite Puff Pastries, & Health Insurance Exchange.

'The doctors say I have a rare illness that turns people into birds - it's untweetable.'

'Side effects may include....'

'You can tell your grandkids, you rode the most expensive vehicle on Earth!'

'The food here isn't too bad, just try not to swallow !'

"Assisting me with this delicate procedure is Dr. Warren. He's one of the top specialists in avoiding malpractice suits."

'It's either a boo-boo or an owwie, but the doctors need to run some more tests before they decide.'

'You've got the worst case of whatever this is, I've ever seen.'

'What I call a miracle drug is one that doesn't start a government investigation.'

These drug will cost you an arm and a leg...the good news is, my wife and I own stock in the company that makes them.

Scary Halloween ICD-10 codes.

"I try to 'go with the flow' doc, but my prostate is an unwilling participant!"

What the patient heard and what the doctor meant to convey.

'Excuse me, sir. Could you spare $2000,000 to treat an uninsurable pre-existing condition?'

NHS/Private Eye Care.

'Would you like the ECG tracing of your father's death? It's the least we can do.'

'Tell the doctor to hurry. It's an emergency. I just turned middle aged!'