Health Satire Appreciator Gifts

"It never ceases to amaze me what little brains people have."

"One day son all this will be yours."

"I'm afraid you could go at any time."

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

'Hello, I'm Dr. Frank Stein and this is my anaesthetist, Dr. Ivan Gore. We'll be doing your hernia operation tomorrow.'

'According to the weight chart, if you were a condor, you'd have a wingspan of 97 feet.'

"I'm putting you on a beef diet. Nothing beef for breakfast, nothing beef for lunch, nothing beef for tea, nothing beef for..."

'I'd like a second opinion, doctor.'

'Well, this is a first †he's got repetitive motion syndrome from eating!'

'Nurse, I said x-ray, not microwave.'

"I feel your pain level."

We can't call the doctor, we can't call the nurse, we have to call the lady with the alligator purse.

'I'm afraid it's bad news Mr.Hooper, I've just got the report on your finances.'

Heimlich maneuver, Gastric bypass surgery, Liver transplant.

"Great news, Mr. Corrigan. That large, life-threatening lump we removed from your back turned out to be your lawyer."

Dr. Flagg's Worst Nightmare

"Does it hurt when my attorney does this?"

"My blood type...it's the type that doesn't like to exercise."

'Don't worry. We still have a few more treatment options available.'

"Your test results are perfect and there is nothing wrong with you. We will operate on you for it tomorrow."

9 out of 10 doctors recommend keeping their stethoscopes in the freezer.

How To Make A Pigs Ear Out Of Swine Flu.

'I can't make you younger...odometer tampering is against the law.'

"I am not the famous heart surgeon, but I am in his medical group."

Pay Hospital Bill Here.

'If you begin to feel unwell, start or stop taking aspirin...'

Eye, ear, nose, throat and loans to pay the bills.

"Tell me Mr. Jones. Does it hurt when I do this?"

The NHS begins using outside contractors for routine operations.

"...I'll send you for an amniocentesis."

'Two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, on a sesame seed bun.'

"Fortunately I hold the patent for the gene that's causing the ringing in your ears, and I can refer you to the doctor who holds the patent for the gene that's causing the pain in your ears."

Hospital porter leaving brain behind

"I'm afraid you have a slow, painful, terminal disease, so I'm sending you to a hospital where you can catch a quicker one."

"Sorry, there's no toilet paper or hand sanitizer down here."