Health Satire Appreciator Gifts

"It never ceases to amaze me what little brains people have."

"One day son all this will be yours."

"I'm afraid you could go at any time."

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

'Hello, I'm Dr. Frank Stein and this is my anaesthetist, Dr. Ivan Gore. We'll be doing your hernia operation tomorrow.'

'According to the weight chart, if you were a condor, you'd have a wingspan of 97 feet.'

"I'm putting you on a beef diet. Nothing beef for breakfast, nothing beef for lunch, nothing beef for tea, nothing beef for..."

'I'd like a second opinion, doctor.'

'Well, this is a first †he's got repetitive motion syndrome from eating!'

'Nurse, I said x-ray, not microwave.'

"I feel your pain level."

We can't call the doctor, we can't call the nurse, we have to call the lady with the alligator purse.

'I'm afraid it's bad news Mr.Hooper, I've just got the report on your finances.'

Heimlich maneuver, Gastric bypass surgery, Liver transplant.

"Great news, Mr. Corrigan. That large, life-threatening lump we removed from your back turned out to be your lawyer."

Turn your head and laugh.

"Does it hurt when my attorney does this?"

Dr. Flagg's Worst Nightmare

"My blood type...it's the type that doesn't like to exercise."

'Don't worry. We still have a few more treatment options available.'

'I can't make you younger...odometer tampering is against the law.'

How To Make A Pigs Ear Out Of Swine Flu.

9 out of 10 doctors recommend keeping their stethoscopes in the freezer.

"Your test results are perfect and there is nothing wrong with you. We will operate on you for it tomorrow."

"I am not the famous heart surgeon, but I am in his medical group."

Pay Hospital Bill Here.

'If you begin to feel unwell, start or stop taking aspirin...'

Eye, ear, nose, throat and loans to pay the bills.

"Tell me Mr. Jones. Does it hurt when I do this?"

The NHS begins using outside contractors for routine operations.

"...I'll send you for an amniocentesis."

Hospital porter leaving brain behind

Paramedics.

"Just think of all the cigarettes I could have smoked."

'My 'friend' has this problem, Doctor!'