Health-conscious Satire Admirer Gifts

'Someday we'll look back at this as the golden age of childhood obesity.'

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

'Say low-cholesterol dairy-free alternative to cheese!'

'Well, this is a first †he's got repetitive motion syndrome from eating!'

Only 1 calorie per serving: One million servings per can.

Vegetarian Nightmare.

'Fish has mercury, meat has e-coli, veggies have pesticides, desserts cause obesity...so we'll have the health-concious nothing for dinner' special.'

"I'm keeping 'up' distance... there's a reason they are called DROPlets."

'Climbing up a chair to take a bag of potato crisps out of the cupboard five times a day does nor count as exercise, sir!'

"I read that meat can remain undigested in one's intestines for five years...."

How To Make A Pigs Ear Out Of Swine Flu.

'After the age of fifty the 'c' word always means colonoscopy.'

"Cut down on the Ho-Ho's."

"Sorry, there's no toilet paper or hand sanitizer down here."

Milk Toast: One of the World's Most Deadly Foods!

What's the antidote for wheat germ?

New anti-obesity cookbook.

"One slice—hold the bread."

"Eat lots of carrots."

'You can't call it a miracle drug just because you added miracle whip!'

'First of all, I'm taking you off the iron supplements.'

"But why not be happy about all the diseases you don't have?"

'I'm afraid your conditions shows no improvement over last time, Mr. Ferguson -- you must still be doing enjoyable things.'

"I know you haven't been flossing. Your electronic toothbrush has been tweeting me."

'Give it to me straight, doc. How much longer do I have in advertising's prime demographic audience?'

'Pistachio ice cream does not cpont as a serving of greens.'

"The doctor said I've got 'texter's slump'."

Formally foods that were good for you.

"You say that the best thing I could do for my health is to give up alcohol. Let's talk about the second best..."

"You forgot my Diet Cola."

"Thank God!"

"If you drink eight glasses of water every day, you'll due fully hydrated."

'Good Cholesterol Vs. Bad Cholesterol'

"Of course I'm listening to your expression of spiritual suffering. Don't you see me making eye contact, striking an open posture, leaning towards you and nodding emphatically."