Satirical Health Enthusiast Gifts

"It's a warning from the American Hypochondriacs Association -- you've been overprescribing placebos."

'He dug his grave with his fork and knife.' (Gravestone says 'out to lunch')

Bob's system was totally out of whack – but he knew where he could get more.

"Do you guys serve beer?"

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

'Your 'bad' cholesterol levels are right off the chart.'

'Well, this is a first †he's got repetitive motion syndrome from eating!'

'Side effects may include....'

'It's either a boo-boo or an owwie, but the doctors need to run some more tests before they decide.'

'You've got the worst case of whatever this is, I've ever seen.'

"I try to 'go with the flow' doc, but my prostate is an unwilling participant!"

'Tell the doctor to hurry. It's an emergency. I just turned middle aged!'

How To Make A Pigs Ear Out Of Swine Flu.

Groups of menopausal women in clinic.

"While you were under, I had all your friends come in and sign your heart stent."

"You have a heart murmur and I'm starting to hear your liver and kidneys complain."

'We can't afford advertising like this! That's one page for the drug and two just for the side effects!'

'I'm sending you to see another doctor, he's a specialist in hyperchondria.'

NHS notice - This is a bring your own bed hospital

"Tell me Mr. Jones. Does it hurt when I do this?"

'I don't want you to give up eating entirely -- just the food part.'

Milk Toast: One of the World's Most Deadly Foods!

"You're in the "Stone Age." You've got kidney stones, gall stones, and bladder stones."

"I didn't even get a balloon."

'Yes doctor, it did hurt when you did that!'

'The doctors ruled out a remarkable recovery. You'll get better, they just don't think it'll be all that remarkable.'

'Give Mr. Fogarty his testosterone injection, Nurse, and then run like the dickens!'

'Yes, it is a carrot. You haven't been getting enough fibre.'

'First of all, I'm taking you off the iron supplements.'

'You can't call it a miracle drug just because you added miracle whip!'

'Key hole surgery....but wouldn't it be easier if you were actually in the room with me...'

'It's quite common with men your age. You've got a silver duct tapeworm.'

"I just want to know if I'm healthy enough for bacon?"

"But doc, I can't understand what my body is telling me. It's mouth is always full!"

"The answer isn't more troops—what you need is an antibiotic."