Health Enthusiast With Humor Gifts

"Crunch gym"

"Do you guys serve beer?"

'Say low-cholesterol dairy-free alternative to cheese!'

'Your 'bad' cholesterol levels are right off the chart.'

Only 1 calorie per serving: One million servings per can.

'Side effects may include....'

Vegetarian Nightmare.

'It's either a boo-boo or an owwie, but the doctors need to run some more tests before they decide.'

'You've got the worst case of whatever this is, I've ever seen.'

'Fish has mercury, meat has e-coli, veggies have pesticides, desserts cause obesity...so we'll have the health-concious nothing for dinner' special.'

"I try to 'go with the flow' doc, but my prostate is an unwilling participant!"

'Climbing up a chair to take a bag of potato crisps out of the cupboard five times a day does nor count as exercise, sir!'

'Tell the doctor to hurry. It's an emergency. I just turned middle aged!'

M.D. You burned a hole in your stomach --- eat only bland foods from now on! No more spicy food?! It's a season-ending injury!

"I'm keeping 'up' distance... there's a reason they are called DROPlets."

"I've had a sore throat ever since we moved near the airport!"

"I read that meat can remain undigested in one's intestines for five years...."

'I understand you know how to treat a woman.'

Groups of menopausal women in clinic.

'I'm prescribing a laxative pill and a sleeping pill. Never, never take them together.'

'After the age of fifty the 'c' word always means colonoscopy.'

"While you were under, I had all your friends come in and sign your heart stent."

"You have a heart murmur and I'm starting to hear your liver and kidneys complain."

"Cut down on the Ho-Ho's."

'I'm sending you to see another doctor, he's a specialist in hyperchondria.'

'We can't afford advertising like this! That's one page for the drug and two just for the side effects!'

"Tell me Mr. Jones. Does it hurt when I do this?"

NHS notice - This is a bring your own bed hospital

New anti-obesity cookbook.

"You're in the "Stone Age." You've got kidney stones, gall stones, and bladder stones."

"I didn't even get a balloon."

'Yes doctor, it did hurt when you did that!'

'I don't want you to give up eating entirely -- just the food part.'

What's the antidote for wheat germ?

"One slice—hold the bread."