Humorous Health Enthusiast Gifts

Strict Diet,

'Do red sweaters have that carcinogenic red dye #2 in them?'

'I don't care what anyone says! This is really hard work!'

'You can eat whatever you like on this diet, and here's a list of whatever you like.'

"Do you guys serve beer?"

'Your 'bad' cholesterol levels are right off the chart.'

'He's fine, it's only man flu not swine flu.'

'Side effects may include....'

'I've got this feeling, like a heavy weight on my stomach.'

'It's either a boo-boo or an owwie, but the doctors need to run some more tests before they decide.'

'You've got the worst case of whatever this is, I've ever seen.'

"I try to 'go with the flow' doc, but my prostate is an unwilling participant!"

'I understand you know how to treat a woman.'

'Tell the doctor to hurry. It's an emergency. I just turned middle aged!'

'You were right, you are in the placebo group.'

"I've had a sore throat ever since we moved near the airport!"

M.D. You burned a hole in your stomach --- eat only bland foods from now on! No more spicy food?! It's a season-ending injury!

Groups of menopausal women in clinic.

'I'm prescribing a laxative pill and a sleeping pill. Never, never take them together.'

"While you were under, I had all your friends come in and sign your heart stent."

"You have a heart murmur and I'm starting to hear your liver and kidneys complain."

'I'm sending you to see another doctor, he's a specialist in hyperchondria.'

NHS notice - This is a bring your own bed hospital

'We can't afford advertising like this! That's one page for the drug and two just for the side effects!'

"Tell me Mr. Jones. Does it hurt when I do this?"

'Yes doctor, it did hurt when you did that!'

"You're in the "Stone Age." You've got kidney stones, gall stones, and bladder stones."

"It says here you've been experiencing peels of thunder�"

"Looks like you both suffer from IBS. You...irritable bowel. Your friend...irritable burl."

'I don't want you to give up eating entirely -- just the food part.'

"I didn't even get a balloon."

"How am I supposed to trust my gut when it can't even handle a little dairy?"

'Hey, Lori! Take a look at Mr. Geckler's EKG!'

'The doctors ruled out a remarkable recovery. You'll get better, they just don't think it'll be all that remarkable.'

'Give Mr. Fogarty his testosterone injection, Nurse, and then run like the dickens!'