Health Humor Aficionado Gifts

'I knew it was a rash decision, but I went with it anyway.'

'Give Mr. Fogarty his testosterone injection, Nurse, and then run like the dickens!'

'No, the pain is in me.'

'It's not so easy to keep your figure when you're getting older!'

'You need an operation and that's all there is to it -- you can't plea-bargain a diagnosis!'

'It's supposed to be stripped weight, but that's close enough.'

'...And now, this Surgeon-General's warning: 'Look out, you fools!''

MD - Eye, Ear, Nose, Throat and Wallet.

'The pain is just Nature's way of telling you that you have your pants on backwards.'

"Gesundheit!"

"Your husband's laryngitis will probably last another wee but your blood pressure is nothing short of miraculous."

"Apply ice and no shirtless accordian playing for a couple weeks."

Mask use and eating

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

"Do you guys serve beer?"

Lactose Intolerant

"I'm afraid you could go at any time."

PSA Banter.

'I don't believe it. Five minutes after he gets the darn thing, he has an arrest!'

'Call me immediately if there's any serious side effects so I can notify my lawyer.'

'I feel like exercising. Have you seen my tennis shoes?'

Providing Healthcare For All

'You know you're getting old when you take longer to recover than to get tired.'

"Happy birthday, dear. You still have that sparkle in your eyes!" "That sparkle burned out years ago. These are cataracts."

In case of Emergency: Break Glass

'What you seem to be suffering from is longevity.'

'Will I live Doctor?' 'Yes, but I don't advise it!'

'We're all out of flu vaccine - how about something for anxiety...?'

"Is that your idea of a well balanced diet"

'His workout regimen consists of 50 sit-downs every day.'

"Gesundheit!"

Treat Dispensers for the Middle-Aged

Doctor to man with 'Push' door on mouth: 'It looks as though you've been eating a lot of junk food lately.'

Would you be willing to sign something regarding the fat content of your burger? Like what? My colon.

"Reverend, I recommend you turn the other cheek."