Health Humor Fan Gifts

Hipness Replacement Surgery.

'I gave it a healthy dose of denial, but it didn't help.'

'I'm prescribing a laxative pill and a sleeping pill. Never, never take them together.'

'It's just a mild hyperinsulism due to islet cell hyperplasia with a touch of hepatic insufficiency and glycogen depletion. In other words watch your diet.'

"Bad news - that fire in your belly is an ulcer."

'Sorry, we don't treat stab wounds.'

'I hope he/she isn't looking inside my nostrils.'

Miss Twaddle, cancel all my appointments.

Crummy teeth led to low self-image which made it really difficult to brush.

'Side effects? In your condition you won't notice.'

"You'll have to take this medication for the rest of your life, but don't worry it's non-addictive."

'I'm really sorry about this, but I'm trying to watch my cholesterol.'

'You've git song thrush Mrs Ellis.'

'I don't blame you for being embarrassed. A Jewish veterinarian's getting trichinosis is embarrassing.

Couple wearing Swine Flu Leaflets

"I missed my last appointment, because I was feeling poorly."

"I've had a sore throat ever since we moved near the airport!"

'Disease is inevitable. My advice is to find an illness you can live with...'

'Take two quarts of latex and call me in the morning.'

Osteoporosis Club: You Must Be This Short.

'It's only hypochondria, but it's a very virulent FORM of it.'

'It might be easier if I tell you what you don't have.'

"It says here you've been experiencing peels of thunder�"

A Warning Label That Might Work: Use of this product could make you look fat.

'Well, sweetie, you got a prize. Why it's a cholesterol decoder ring!'

M.D. You burned a hole in your stomach --- eat only bland foods from now on! No more spicy food?! It's a season-ending injury!

I'm not sure what you have, but I'd still like to treat it aggressively.

You should have that varicose vein checked out, Hal.

Did you hear that? Now he wants a third opinion.

"I'm a little concerned about your smoking."

"If these don't make you feel better in a week you can come back here and kick my arse."

"I want to know where elephants go to diet."

'Dear Diarrhea, Day 84. Well, I'm constipated again today...'

'According to the weight chart, if you were a condor, you'd have a wingspan of 97 feet.'

'Your 'bad' cholesterol levels are right off the chart.'