Health And Humor Enthusiast Gifts

'Good morning Walters, I see you've mad a speedy recovery from your bout with smallpox!'

Weighing scales tell person 'Game Over'.

A balanced diet is a chocolate bar in each hand!

"Do you guys serve beer?"

'Your 'bad' cholesterol levels are right off the chart.'

'Side effects may include....'

'I've got this feeling, like a heavy weight on my stomach.'

'It's either a boo-boo or an owwie, but the doctors need to run some more tests before they decide.'

'You've got the worst case of whatever this is, I've ever seen.'

"I try to 'go with the flow' doc, but my prostate is an unwilling participant!"

'Tell the doctor to hurry. It's an emergency. I just turned middle aged!'

"I've had a sore throat ever since we moved near the airport!"

Groups of menopausal women in clinic.

'I'm prescribing a laxative pill and a sleeping pill. Never, never take them together.'

"While you were under, I had all your friends come in and sign your heart stent."

"You have a heart murmur and I'm starting to hear your liver and kidneys complain."

"Tell me Mr. Jones. Does it hurt when I do this?"

'We can't afford advertising like this! That's one page for the drug and two just for the side effects!'

'I'm sending you to see another doctor, he's a specialist in hyperchondria.'

NHS notice - This is a bring your own bed hospital

'I don't want you to give up eating entirely -- just the food part.'

"I didn't even get a balloon."

"You're in the "Stone Age." You've got kidney stones, gall stones, and bladder stones."

'It was at this point that I insisted all employees eat their vegetables.'

'Yes doctor, it did hurt when you did that!'

"Looks like you both suffer from IBS. You...irritable bowel. Your friend...irritable burl."

"How am I supposed to trust my gut when it can't even handle a little dairy?"

'The doctors ruled out a remarkable recovery. You'll get better, they just don't think it'll be all that remarkable.'

'Give Mr. Fogarty his testosterone injection, Nurse, and then run like the dickens!'

'Yes, it is a carrot. You haven't been getting enough fibre.'

"You'll have to take this medication for the rest of your life, but don't worry it's non-addictive."

"Actually that's not the cause of your persistent headaches."

'It's quite common with men your age. You've got a silver duct tapeworm.'