Health Satirists Gifts

'Sure you can have another opinion but I still say you are a fat pig.'

"Honey, I lost 206 pounds overnight!"

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

"I know other hospitals are worried about the superbug, but ours is the only one that understands the accounts system."

Providing Healthcare For All

'Maybe it is psychosomatic.'

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

Virtual Doctor

"I'm putting you on a beef diet. Nothing beef for breakfast, nothing beef for lunch, nothing beef for tea, nothing beef for..."

'I think it's damn unprofessional for a dermatologist to scream 'Yikes' like that.'

'Well, this is a first †he's got repetitive motion syndrome from eating!'

'We'll need to run some preliminary tests to see if you're healthy enough for more invasive follow-up tests.'

Saline Drip Sommelier.

'No, I don't think it a cute idea! Get rid of him and turn in your supervisor's uniform!'

'Thanks, but I don't expect you to chew my food for me.'

Centaur for Disease Control Says Wear a Mask

"You'll be awake during the entire procedure. Your HMO won't cover the Anesthesia."

"We've combine the recovery area with the gift shop... just in case your visitors want to pick up a little souvenir."

'As you know, medical costs have skyrocketed -- that'll be fifty cents.'

'There is a drug for Hypochondria... but the side-effects may actually make you sick!'

"There are no such things as problems, only opportunities."

'Your cat scan looks fine, your pet scan looks fine, your MRI looks fine, but your insurance reimbursement doesn't look fine.'

"According to your brain scan, you just don't want to go back to work."

'I only got up for a drink of water, and a queue's formed next to my bed.'

"Look! A dying brain cell! Maybe we should help!...."

We can't call the doctor, we can't call the nurse, we have to call the lady with the alligator purse.

'Take one of these three times a day until you start to feel better.'

'The doctors say I have a rare illness that turns people into birds - it's untweetable.'

'You can tell your grandkids, you rode the most expensive vehicle on Earth!'

Auto parts, Lite Puff Pastries, & Health Insurance Exchange.

Antihistamine Rally At National Sinus Cavity

'The food here isn't too bad, just try not to swallow !'

'What I call a miracle drug is one that doesn't start a government investigation.'

Healthcare workers come to the N.H.S. Fancy dress party dressed as viruses.

Scary Halloween ICD-10 codes.