Sarcasm Lover Of Health Advice Prints

'You are talking about health? Ha! My cig does not have calories, fat, cholesterol, carbohydrates and sugar!'

'Your 'bad' cholesterol levels are right off the chart.'

'Side effects may include....'

'It's either a boo-boo or an owwie, but the doctors need to run some more tests before they decide.'

'You've got the worst case of whatever this is, I've ever seen.'

"I try to 'go with the flow' doc, but my prostate is an unwilling participant!"

'Tell the doctor to hurry. It's an emergency. I just turned middle aged!'

How To Make A Pigs Ear Out Of Swine Flu.

Groups of menopausal women in clinic.

"While you were under, I had all your friends come in and sign your heart stent."

"You have a heart murmur and I'm starting to hear your liver and kidneys complain."

'I'm sending you to see another doctor, he's a specialist in hyperchondria.'

"Tell me Mr. Jones. Does it hurt when I do this?"

'We can't afford advertising like this! That's one page for the drug and two just for the side effects!'

NHS notice - This is a bring your own bed hospital

"You're in the "Stone Age." You've got kidney stones, gall stones, and bladder stones."

Milk Toast: One of the World's Most Deadly Foods!

'I don't want you to give up eating entirely -- just the food part.'

"My doctor told me to get outdoors more, so now I put on more yard sales."

"I didn't even get a balloon."

'Yes doctor, it did hurt when you did that!'

'The items with the little hearts will clog your arteries the fastest.'

'The doctors ruled out a remarkable recovery. You'll get better, they just don't think it'll be all that remarkable.'

'Give Mr. Fogarty his testosterone injection, Nurse, and then run like the dickens!'

'Yes, it is a carrot. You haven't been getting enough fibre.'

"Your husband's laryngitis will probably last another wee but your blood pressure is nothing short of miraculous."

'Key hole surgery....but wouldn't it be easier if you were actually in the room with me...'

'Pistachio ice cream does not cpont as a serving of greens.'

'It's quite common with men your age. You've got a silver duct tapeworm.'

"I just want to know if I'm healthy enough for bacon?"

"But doc, I can't understand what my body is telling me. It's mouth is always full!"

"The answer isn't more troops—what you need is an antibiotic."

'The lab report just came in. The lab is in fine shape!'