Santa Debunker Pillows

"I knew there was no Santa. These are all the candies Mom had coupons for."

Punk Reindeer

'Kids like my presents, but do they really like me?'

"Since you had so much fun with the Home Equity Loan I gave you, this year's stocking will be filled with a shiny new Notice of Foreclosure."

'Toys?! Good heavens, no! I made my fortune through commercial endorsements.'

"It's creepy thinking that Santa can sneak into my house undetected. I must find out how he does it!"

For instance, a $25 delivery charge. You'd clean up right there.

'No, it doesn't have to snow for Santa to get here. He probably drives a big four-wheel-drive SUV ... '

'I mind my mother, and I do my lessons, and I'm here for the quid pro quo.'

"So, with internet shopping and guaranteed next-day delivery, I figured now was as good a time as any to hang my sack up and retire."

Santa Elevator

"Just put one foot directly in front of the other, sir, and walk in as straight a line as possible."

'What's all this 'naughty or nice' jazz? ? Haven't you ever heard of situational ethics?'

"I like the Easter Bunny - I find him less judgmental than Santa Claus."

"Another one asking me to fix the climate crisis."

'I don't really believe in Santa Claus anymore, but I don't want to disillusion my parents.'

"I thought you might like to have a merrier brain for the new millennium!"

About Santa 2017.

I brake for Jetliners.

Don't fly and text.

"Wow! My calculations show that on Christmas night, Santa Claus will visit 1 house every .83 seconds!"

Dear Santa- Thanks for the awesome gift! p.s. did you know cellphones have built-in calculators? p.p.s. you suck.

"IDEOMOTOREFFECT. See! I told you."

Slay Ride.

'That stuff about elves helping me is a lot of baloney. I have a research center in Silicon Valley and an electronics plant in New England.'

"It's unrealistic for us to have a chimney, tree, or stockings, so you can forget about Santa."

'I'm going to tell him I've been good on the chance that my reputation hasn't preceded me.'

'He sees me when I'm sleeping, he knows when I'm awake...'

'What do you mean you don't rent helicopters?' (Santa shot all his reindeer)

"I wonder how Santa got my pony into such a small box?"

"Well... I don't believe in you either!"

"Santa's workshopping"

'Now there's a perfect example of something that's not cost effective. Fire him!'