Santa Skeptics Pillows

"Well... I don't believe in you either!"

"It's creepy thinking that Santa can sneak into my house undetected. I must find out how he does it!"

'Now there's a perfect example of something that's not cost effective. Fire him!'

'we're sorry son - Father Christmas failed his CRB check.'

"It's unrealistic for us to have a chimney, tree, or stockings, so you can forget about Santa."

"Your parents bring the presents, and he takes the credit."

Punk Reindeer

"I wonder how many people are claiming to be your messiah right now?"

'Kids like my presents, but do they really like me?'

'Toys?! Good heavens, no! I made my fortune through commercial endorsements.'

"But, Jesus - you can't become an atheist."

'Listen, Santa. Either you repay what you owe, or we reposses Rudolph!'

'No, it doesn't have to snow for Santa to get here. He probably drives a big four-wheel-drive SUV ... '

"So, with internet shopping and guaranteed next-day delivery, I figured now was as good a time as any to hang my sack up and retire."

Santa Elevator

Crystal Ball Plug

Peter explains to the Disciples what really happened.

'Shhhhh...He's preparing for the holiday season.'

"I like the Easter Bunny - I find him less judgmental than Santa Claus."

Rudolph is at bar speaking to a patron-'So he asks me if I'll pull his sleigh and I'm like-'Not until I get that backpay you owe me fatso!' '

"Another one asking me to fix the climate crisis."

About Santa 2017.

'I don't really believe in Santa Claus anymore, but I don't want to disillusion my parents.'

Don't fly and text.

"Wow! My calculations show that on Christmas night, Santa Claus will visit 1 house every .83 seconds!"

"Mrs. Santa Claus wants a divorce, the elves in my workshop is on strike, the reindeer just hate me and global warming makes my place in the North Pole melt!"

Text Santa

"I have a rich and generous son who wants to contribute to the heavenly fund."

"Who wants to talk to Santa? Anyone? Hello?"

Dear Santa- Thanks for the awesome gift! p.s. did you know cellphones have built-in calculators? p.p.s. you suck.

Outward bound/Homeward bound.

'Just who the heck are you to decide who's naughty or nice? Quit trying to impose your ideas of morality on everyone else!!'

'I'm going to tell him I've been good on the chance that my reputation hasn't preceded me.'

'He sees me when I'm sleeping, he knows when I'm awake...'

Santa contemplates whether or not to leave presents.