Santa Skeptic Pillows

The underwriter was suspicious of all the dodgy Clauses.

Naughty, Nice, Pending Appeal

"I like the Easter Bunny - I find him less judgmental than Santa Claus."

'He sees me when I'm sleeping, he knows when I'm awake...'

"Wow! My calculations show that on Christmas night, Santa Claus will visit 1 house every .83 seconds!"

'HA! Just as I thought! These are DAD'S fingerprints, not SANTA'S.'

"There are never sleigh tracks on our roof, or soot tracks on our carpet. Maybe you're just fake news?"

"... Santa, eh? Do you have any form of identification?"

"A Santa bot? And you expect kids to believe in you?"

"Dad, how does Santa Claus visit all the children in the world in one night?"

'I don't really believe in Santa Claus anymore, but I don't want to disillusion my parents.'

'I did some investigating. The guy is an actor.'

Kissing Under The Misanthrope

Santa Claus does not exist. Satan.

Evil Santa Claus.

Punk Reindeer

'No, it doesn't have to snow for Santa to get here. He probably drives a big four-wheel-drive SUV ... '

Dad runs over Santa claus

"Some kids say it's parents who bring us Christmas gifts."

About Santa 2017.

"Who asked for Steve Buscemi?"

"If there were really a God, trees would come with outlets and wifi hubs."

'What he said about judgement day is scary. Maybe we should find a good lawyer.'

"Sure, it's Good News, but is it fake news?"

"Since you had so much fun with the Home Equity Loan I gave you, this year's stocking will be filled with a shiny new Notice of Foreclosure."

"Dont believe anything those guys have told you. None of it. It's all B.S."

"It's creepy thinking that Santa can sneak into my house undetected. I must find out how he does it!"

"But, Jesus - you can't become an atheist."

''Faith can move mountains'? -- That's actually a little disturbing.'

'Listen, Santa. Either you repay what you owe, or we reposses Rudolph!'

"Anyway, it turned out that god was a ruddy algorithm after all!"

'I hope there's something better on the 'other side'!..'

Crystal Ball Plug

"I'm the black sheep of the family because I'm afraid of the dark."

Holy Roller Church: We accept all denominations, but we are especially fond of $20, $50, $100, & $500...