Santa Spoiler Pillows

'You're Steve from menswear. I read it on wikileaks.'

Santa Claus's Mail

High security Santa's grotto

"I prefer to talk to Mrs. Claus. She doesn't care if I'm naughty or nice."

"I admire your enthusiasm, but you’re not really flying."

Punk Reindeer

"Anything but milk and cookies."

"Pepperoni pizza is my favorite! Ah, Billy, you little suck up!"

Santa CGI Effect

"Since you had so much fun with the Home Equity Loan I gave you, this year's stocking will be filled with a shiny new Notice of Foreclosure."

'You still owe me the pony from last year!'

Santa knows he has to be more careful. One more accident due to pilot error, and the FAA would take away his pilot's license for good.

'How do we know the NSA hasn't hacked your naughty list?'

'How do you think he stays so merry through the holidays?!'

"Naughty? Nice? It's a bit more nuanced than that..."

"I want a pony!"

'And that,and that,and that...'

'There really IS a Santa!' Santa busts pets eating his milk and cookies

'Well, I'll try, but cheese seems to be the 'must have gift' this year.'

"Well, what would YOU like for Christmas?"

The Reindeer Strike

Hot food cafe open every day except Christmas Day.

"For the last time… do not feed bubble gum to the reindeer!"

For instance, a $25 delivery charge. You'd clean up right there.

"We're wasting our time. He gets them free at work."

Why are you insisting on spending Christmas in hospital, Gran? I prefer the Santa here, darling.

"I can't tel you what an honor it is to be the keynote speaker at the Supply Chain management Seminar."

'Listen, Santa. Either you repay what you owe, or we reposses Rudolph!'

SANTA'S ATTORNEY

Great Moment in North Pole History

"Take a shower first. You smell like a chimney."

He Sees You When You're Sleeping

"The cookies are always stale."

'When I'm old enough to vote, I'm going to select Santa Claus as a write-in candidate.'