Salary Guru Gifts

"I want to be paid a salary where I won't feel as if I'm doing a favor working here."

"A delightful arrangement Miss Chalmers..."

"The Net National Product rose slightly last month."

"I need to tinkle."

"And this song goes out there to any girl who might consider sleeping with me."

'I'm just not sure how much more I can teach you.'

'Can we afford you to save us money by repairing the car yourself...?'

'My electric car is giving me static!'

'Let's start out with cliches and pithy slogans - and work our way up to wisdom ...OK?'

"Would you please step into the garage? Your car and I need to have a word with you."

At the 2021 Religious Games

"In economics, I got an IOU."

'Uh, Dad - My wife thinks she and I should have a mountain of our own.'

"Is there any way I could get a dashboard instead of a report card?"

It's only firing on 87 cylinders!

"He's my smart-aleck twin."

'The secret to great wealth and spiritual contentment? Ok, hold on...I think I've got an app for that..'

Kirsten Johnson

Guru.

Inflating Boobs.

Organic Soldering.

'Hi Dad. I want you to meet Mr. Hacketal, my attorney.'

"I've narrowed the problem down to somewhere under this big flap I discovered."

'You raised the price of air to 50c!' 'Inflation.'

The Small Business Advisor: 'The first bit of advice I'd give you for your garage start-up is to tell your dad'

"How'd I do on the test?"

'Wish you wouldn't cut your nails at bedtime!'

"I'd like my daughter to know something about engines."

"These fourth grade marks are confusing...I got a B on the assignment, so is that like a smiley face or a star?"

How's my enlightenment? Call 1-800-Nirvana.

"I seek enlightenment - and a way to outsource our company's tech support."

"Because you're a mechanic, we're going to do your hydrotherapy in a car pool."

Bob’s Museum

"We're having a little trouble with our hydraulic lift. I guess my question is, do you still want your muffler replaced?"

'I was trying to extinguish my ego, and I got an Out of Memory Error.'