Salad Stand-up Artist Gifts

"It makes me feel sort of... guilty!"

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

'Like death by salad.'

The Coffee Shop Vats of New Jersey

"The most I'll splurge on my diet is on a boneless, skinless carrot."

"It comes with a small Greek salad."

"The salad should be delicious. We ordered it with lots of extra bacon bits."

"Waiter, there's a hare in my salad!"

'I realize it's not on the menu but I'm on a diet and I'd like an air fern salad.'

'Preparing rocket salad isn't domestic science, ladies.'

Surprise in the salad bowl

"May I take your plate or are you still nibbling?"

'Diet considerations.'

'Thank you waiter - my wife's the rabbit.'

"It's been 10 years Martha, why are we still eating quinoa?"

Vegetarian Restaurant: Choose Your Own Cabbage

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways … Open Mike Night Presents Sadie Cohen. I love thee to the depth and breadth and height my ladle can reach … When feeling hungry for the crunch of crouton and ideal lettuce. I love thee to the level of every day's most quiet need ... by cheesy bread and chicken wing. I love thee freely, as men strive for right. I eat of thee freely, and then, at four, 'tis goodnight. O Sizzler salad bar, how do I love thee? I'm hungry.

"Some protein with my salad? Sure, put a 24 ounce Ribeye in it."

'I didn't know it was a one-trip salad bar!'

Cinema with a salad bar in its lobby.

"More croutons, sir?"

Vegetables VS Junk Food.

"Oh No!!!...Cap'n...Iceberg...Dead ahead!!"

"Waiter, can you find out if this hair in my arugula salad is locally harvested?"

All-You-Should-Eat Buffet

The famous Walled-off salad.

"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious day when you're ripe and not yet mealy?"

An art director eats: 'Waiter! Does this lettuce say 'salad' to you?'

"I'll just have a small salad. . . say 400 pounds of fresh river vegetation."

'After you with the camouflage.'

Ranch Dressing

Free salad bar.

"Might I recommend one of our salads? They come with three of your companion's fries."

'If a tomato is a fruit, why don't you get it in fruit salad?'

"Good morning, Mother! We made you a desk salad."