Salad Stand-up Artist Gifts

"It makes me feel sort of... guilty!"

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

'Like death by salad.'

"The most I'll splurge on my diet is on a boneless, skinless carrot."

The Coffee Shop Vats of New Jersey

"It comes with a small Greek salad."

"The salad should be delicious. We ordered it with lots of extra bacon bits."

"Waiter, there's a hare in my salad!"

'I realize it's not on the menu but I'm on a diet and I'd like an air fern salad.'

'Preparing rocket salad isn't domestic science, ladies.'

Surprise in the salad bowl

'Thank you waiter - my wife's the rabbit.'

'Diet considerations.'

"May I take your plate or are you still nibbling?"

"It's been 10 years Martha, why are we still eating quinoa?"

"Some protein with my salad? Sure, put a 24 ounce Ribeye in it."

'I didn't know it was a one-trip salad bar!'

"Waiter, can you find out if this hair in my arugula salad is locally harvested?"

"Oh No!!!...Cap'n...Iceberg...Dead ahead!!"

Vegetarian Restaurant: Choose Your Own Cabbage

"More croutons, sir?"

Cinema with a salad bar in its lobby.

Vegetables VS Junk Food.

All-You-Should-Eat Buffet

Free salad bar.

"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious day when you're ripe and not yet mealy?"

"Might I recommend one of our salads? They come with three of your companion's fries."

An art director eats: 'Waiter! Does this lettuce say 'salad' to you?'

Ranch Dressing

"Good morning, Mother! We made you a desk salad."

The famous Walled-off salad.

'After you with the camouflage.'

Waiter: 'Your Tossed salad Ma'am.'

'If a tomato is a fruit, why don't you get it in fruit salad?'

"I'll just have a small salad. . . say 400 pounds of fresh river vegetation."