Salad Sophisticate Gifts

"The salad should be delicious. We ordered it with lots of extra bacon bits."

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

'Like death by salad.'

The Coffee Shop Vats of New Jersey

"The most I'll splurge on my diet is on a boneless, skinless carrot."

"It comes with a small Greek salad."

"Waiter, there's a hare in my salad!"

'Preparing rocket salad isn't domestic science, ladies.'

'I realize it's not on the menu but I'm on a diet and I'd like an air fern salad.'

Surprise in the salad bowl

Mrs. Robot attempts to improve her family's diet.

'Diet considerations.'

"May I take your plate or are you still nibbling?"

'Thank you waiter - my wife's the rabbit.'

"It's been 10 years Martha, why are we still eating quinoa?"

"I don't bake, I don't cook, but I make one kick-ass vinaigrette."

'I didn't know it was a one-trip salad bar!'

"More croutons, sir?"

Vegetarian Restaurant: Choose Your Own Cabbage

"Oh No!!!...Cap'n...Iceberg...Dead ahead!!"

Cinema with a salad bar in its lobby.

"Some protein with my salad? Sure, put a 24 ounce Ribeye in it."

"Waiter, can you find out if this hair in my arugula salad is locally harvested?"

All-You-Should-Eat Buffet

" 'Unlimited salad bar' sounded better on the menu."

"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious day when you're ripe and not yet mealy?"

"Good morning, Mother! We made you a desk salad."

"I'm pleased to say our dishes all have too much kale."

"I'll just have a small salad. . . say 400 pounds of fresh river vegetation."

Free salad bar.

Ranch Dressing

'If a tomato is a fruit, why don't you get it in fruit salad?'

'No - we really don't cater for vegans, even our salad dressing is made from sperm oil!'

"Who is having the 4 bean salad? Half portion?"

"Might I recommend one of our salads? They come with three of your companion's fries."