Salad Chic Gifts

" 'Unlimited salad bar' sounded better on the menu."

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

'Like death by salad.'

"First Lady Lettuce goes missing, then Colonel Crouton followed by Reginald Radish... Great Caesar's Ghost! Someone is making a salad!"

"The most I'll splurge on my diet is on a boneless, skinless carrot."

The Coffee Shop Vats of New Jersey

"It comes with a small Greek salad."

"The salad should be delicious. We ordered it with lots of extra bacon bits."

"Waiter, there's a hare in my salad!"

'Preparing rocket salad isn't domestic science, ladies.'

'I realize it's not on the menu but I'm on a diet and I'd like an air fern salad.'

'Diet considerations.'

'Thank you waiter - my wife's the rabbit.'

"It's been 10 years Martha, why are we still eating quinoa?"

"I don't bake, I don't cook, but I make one kick-ass vinaigrette."

'I didn't know it was a one-trip salad bar!'

"Waiter, can you find out if this hair in my arugula salad is locally harvested?"

"Oh No!!!...Cap'n...Iceberg...Dead ahead!!"

Vegetarian Restaurant: Choose Your Own Cabbage

"Some protein with my salad? Sure, put a 24 ounce Ribeye in it."

"More croutons, sir?"

Cinema with a salad bar in its lobby.

"It's this trend that leads us to believe we should supplement our oil commodities with investments in some of the Earth's rich vinegar and crouton reserves."

All-You-Should-Eat Buffet

Free salad bar.

"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious day when you're ripe and not yet mealy?"

"Might I recommend one of our salads? They come with three of your companion's fries."

"Good morning, Mother! We made you a desk salad."

Ranch Dressing

The famous Walled-off salad.

An art director eats: 'Waiter! Does this lettuce say 'salad' to you?'

"We only do salads. There's no need to keep warning customers that the plates are cold."

"I'm pleased to say our dishes all have too much kale."

'If a tomato is a fruit, why don't you get it in fruit salad?'

"I'll just have a small salad. . . say 400 pounds of fresh river vegetation."