Salad Samurai Gifts

'Today is the day that 'Black Bean Couscous' kicks 'Classic Macaroni Salad' butt.'

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

"First Lady Lettuce goes missing, then Colonel Crouton followed by Reginald Radish... Great Caesar's Ghost! Someone is making a salad!"

The Coffee Shop Vats of New Jersey

"The most I'll splurge on my diet is on a boneless, skinless carrot."

"It comes with a small Greek salad."

'The vegetables sat in the crisper for hours...days...a whole week. Then suddenly, the drawer opened. A hand reached in, grabbed the kale, and all you could hear was the sound of...A Garbage disposal.'

"The salad should be delicious. We ordered it with lots of extra bacon bits."

Surprise in the salad bowl

'Preparing rocket salad isn't domestic science, ladies.'

Mrs. Robot attempts to improve her family's diet.

'Diet considerations.'

"I don't bake, I don't cook, but I make one kick-ass vinaigrette."

"I had a Caesar salad for lunch, but that was two days ago."

"It's been 10 years Martha, why are we still eating quinoa?"

"Some protein with my salad? Sure, put a 24 ounce Ribeye in it."

'I didn't know it was a one-trip salad bar!'

Vegetarian Restaurant: Choose Your Own Cabbage

All-You-Should-Eat Buffet

'I found this bag of salad hidden in the locker room - who's is it?'

"I hab peenut buffer stok to woof of my mout!"

The famous Walled-off salad.

"I'm pleased to say our dishes all have too much kale."

'No - we really don't cater for vegans, even our salad dressing is made from sperm oil!'

'You're eating too much roughage.'

"Who is having the 4 bean salad? Half portion?"

"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious day when you're ripe and not yet mealy?"

The Perfect Garden.

'He left it to me. Isn't a double Salmanazar of '55 Chateau Cheval Blanc the perfect match with the side garden salad?'

All you can eat salad bar has lifetime price.

'It's great that you made your own salad, dear, but those aren't croutons, they're dog kibbles.'

The real reason salad aids weight loss

"When you came down for a snack last night, did you see a plate of dog food in here?"