Salad Samurai Pillows

'Today is the day that 'Black Bean Couscous' kicks 'Classic Macaroni Salad' butt.'

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

"First Lady Lettuce goes missing, then Colonel Crouton followed by Reginald Radish... Great Caesar's Ghost! Someone is making a salad!"

"The most I'll splurge on my diet is on a boneless, skinless carrot."

The Coffee Shop Vats of New Jersey

"It comes with a small Greek salad."

'The vegetables sat in the crisper for hours...days...a whole week. Then suddenly, the drawer opened. A hand reached in, grabbed the kale, and all you could hear was the sound of...A Garbage disposal.'

"The salad should be delicious. We ordered it with lots of extra bacon bits."

Surprise in the salad bowl

'Preparing rocket salad isn't domestic science, ladies.'

Mrs. Robot attempts to improve her family's diet.

"It's been 10 years Martha, why are we still eating quinoa?"

"I don't bake, I don't cook, but I make one kick-ass vinaigrette."

"I had a Caesar salad for lunch, but that was two days ago."

'Diet considerations.'

Vegetarian Restaurant: Choose Your Own Cabbage

"Some protein with my salad? Sure, put a 24 ounce Ribeye in it."

'I didn't know it was a one-trip salad bar!'

All-You-Should-Eat Buffet

'I found this bag of salad hidden in the locker room - who's is it?'

'You're eating too much roughage.'

"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious day when you're ripe and not yet mealy?"

'No - we really don't cater for vegans, even our salad dressing is made from sperm oil!'

"Who is having the 4 bean salad? Half portion?"

The famous Walled-off salad.

"I'm pleased to say our dishes all have too much kale."

"I hab peenut buffer stok to woof of my mout!"

The Perfect Garden.

'He left it to me. Isn't a double Salmanazar of '55 Chateau Cheval Blanc the perfect match with the side garden salad?'

Eat your salad. Blurg! Now! Quick! Put it into my bag! Finito. Mother! You've started up your compost pile, haven't you? You make it sound so rotten!

The real reason salad aids weight loss

The male of the species approaches the cafe counter. What's that, Mr. Pinkerton? Careful not to disturb those around him, the male scans his surroundings. His senses, his vision and his sense of smell have been honed by years of evolution and survival. Sniiif! At last, the male makes his move! He orders one slice of rhubarb pie, a la mode! You want pie? Suddenly, he is alerted to danger. The male seeks refuge behind a petunia! … but is it too late? No pie for him. The male will have a salad. The

All you can eat salad bar has lifetime price.

'It's great that you made your own salad, dear, but those aren't croutons, they're dog kibbles.'

This salad tastes funky� Is this ranch dressing? Oh, I'm sorry, sir� I thought you ordered raunch dressing.