Salad Shy Gifts

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

'Like death by salad.'

"First Lady Lettuce goes missing, then Colonel Crouton followed by Reginald Radish... Great Caesar's Ghost! Someone is making a salad!"

The Coffee Shop Vats of New Jersey

"The most I'll splurge on my diet is on a boneless, skinless carrot."

"It comes with a small Greek salad."

'The vegetables sat in the crisper for hours...days...a whole week. Then suddenly, the drawer opened. A hand reached in, grabbed the kale, and all you could hear was the sound of...A Garbage disposal.'

"The salad should be delicious. We ordered it with lots of extra bacon bits."

"Waiter, there's a hare in my salad!"

'Preparing rocket salad isn't domestic science, ladies.'

'I realize it's not on the menu but I'm on a diet and I'd like an air fern salad.'

'Diet considerations.'

'Thank you waiter - my wife's the rabbit.'

"It's been 10 years Martha, why are we still eating quinoa?"

"I don't bake, I don't cook, but I make one kick-ass vinaigrette."

Vegetarian Restaurant: Choose Your Own Cabbage

"Oh No!!!...Cap'n...Iceberg...Dead ahead!!"

'I didn't know it was a one-trip salad bar!'

"Some protein with my salad? Sure, put a 24 ounce Ribeye in it."

Vegetables VS Junk Food.

"More croutons, sir?"

Cinema with a salad bar in its lobby.

All-You-Should-Eat Buffet

" 'Unlimited salad bar' sounded better on the menu."

'I found this bag of salad hidden in the locker room - who's is it?'

Free salad bar.

"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious day when you're ripe and not yet mealy?"

"Might I recommend one of our salads? They come with three of your companion's fries."

"Good morning, Mother! We made you a desk salad."

Ranch Dressing

An art director eats: 'Waiter! Does this lettuce say 'salad' to you?'

The famous Walled-off salad.

'If a tomato is a fruit, why don't you get it in fruit salad?'

"I'll just have a small salad. . . say 400 pounds of fresh river vegetation."