Saintly Sports Star Gifts

Basketball Halo

'Yeah, I know your idea of heaven is to play golf all day, but all we have is shuffleboard!'

"That's the preacher's dog."

St. Elmo's fired.

Halo Frisbee.

The Lives of the SaintsThis Week: Frieda Witherspoon

"It's right here… Nov. 29th, 1981, at Elaine's… twelve percent."

'True - There is no 'I' in team. But there is in 'I don't need my crummy team.'

'Before we begin, let's say a little prayer for humility.'

"Relax, I grade on the curve."

'Kid, go out there and play like you're worth 29 million plus signing bonus, buyouts, and endorsement deals. '

"Hmmm...says here that you were in charge of your church's Puppet Ministry."

"He's very proud of his stomach's 'good bacteria'."

'Sixteen home runs, 34 runs batted in, and nine stolen bases. I'd call that being good.'

'I'm real sorry. It was all the 'blonde' jokes you told.'

Don't bug me about college! I'm doing all I can: good grades. Playing sports. Helped found Eco Club. What more can I possibly do? Acquire rich parents. Fast. College guide.

Angel using his hal to play golf.

"Bad timing – he's in one of his Old testament moods today."

"I wasn't responsible for those sins."

"I'm afraid we don't accept bribes here, sir."

"You have a mask?"

Football today

'Go out and win one to maintain your current lifestyles.'

"You'll soon get used to it, being deceased is fun."

Monk

'Sorry to disturb you, sir, but coach is wondering if it is OK to put you in the game.'

"Should I practice my violin or my curve ball?"

"You're just in time. We're having vegetarian chili tonight."

"Quickly! Call the hair stylist!"

How To Saint . . .

'I'd buy her a drink, but I don't think I can do that up here.'

"Open your mouth so I can take a DNA sample."

"I remember behavior like that being followed by fire and brimstone."

We don't have a 'reasonable doubt' rule up here!

"Don't you sometimes wish that maybe you had been just a little bit naughtier in your former life?"