Saintly Stories Gifts

'Yeah, I know your idea of heaven is to play golf all day, but all we have is shuffleboard!'

Tiny Visions

"It's true: no more burpees."

Next World Tours

"It's right here… Nov. 29th, 1981, at Elaine's… twelve percent."

"Relax, I grade on the curve."

'Before we begin, let's say a little prayer for humility.'

'I'm good. How are you?'

"Hmmm...says here that you were in charge of your church's Puppet Ministry."

"This is my favorite area. Every one here has been the subject of a hagiography."

"Old Testament prop comic."

'I'm real sorry. It was all the 'blonde' jokes you told.'

Saint Gustaf, patron of pranksters and practical jokers. Martyred by angry mob in 725.

'Ferguson always was an overachiever.'

Holy monk.

"I'm afraid we don't accept bribes here, sir."

"Bad timing – he's in one of his Old testament moods today."

"I wasn't responsible for those sins."

'Pig flu??!'

'Father Christmas regrets to inform you that your application for presents has been unsuccessful on this occasion.'

"...and while you're at it, pick yourself up a pair of nose-hair clippers."

'Santa is real, but I can't decide if he is the New Black or 50 Shades of Grey!'

"You'll soon get used to it, being deceased is fun."

Proposed solution to repugnant and obsolete St. Patrick's Day parade: add more saints.

'Don't worry about us Noah - we'll dine 'a la carte'...'

"I remember behavior like that being followed by fire and brimstone."

Saint Christopher

' Remember Santa knows when you've been good or bad!'

Jesus as a child discovers one of His many peculiarities.

"What do you mean 'Gluten-free'?"

We don't have a 'reasonable doubt' rule up here!

"Fortunately, I was texting St. Christopher."

"Don't you sometimes wish that maybe you had been just a little bit naughtier in your former life?"

"Hey, great death!"