Saintly Stories Pillows

'Yeah, I know your idea of heaven is to play golf all day, but all we have is shuffleboard!'

Tiny Visions

"It's true: no more burpees."

Next World Tours

"It's right here… Nov. 29th, 1981, at Elaine's… twelve percent."

"Relax, I grade on the curve."

'I'm good. How are you?'

'Before we begin, let's say a little prayer for humility.'

"Hmmm...says here that you were in charge of your church's Puppet Ministry."

Saint Gustaf, patron of pranksters and practical jokers. Martyred by angry mob in 725.

'I'm real sorry. It was all the 'blonde' jokes you told.'

"Old Testament prop comic."

"This is my favorite area. Every one here has been the subject of a hagiography."

'Ferguson always was an overachiever.'

Holy monk.

"Bad timing – he's in one of his Old testament moods today."

"I wasn't responsible for those sins."

"I'm afraid we don't accept bribes here, sir."

Things to do in the area.

That's okay --- Nobody would get in if we included cheating on diets.

"You'll soon get used to it, being deceased is fun."

Proposed solution to repugnant and obsolete St. Patrick's Day parade: add more saints.

'Father Christmas regrets to inform you that your application for presents has been unsuccessful on this occasion.'

"...and while you're at it, pick yourself up a pair of nose-hair clippers."

'Santa is real, but I can't decide if he is the New Black or 50 Shades of Grey!'

'Pig flu??!'

'Don't worry about us Noah - we'll dine 'a la carte'...'

We don't have a 'reasonable doubt' rule up here!

"I remember behavior like that being followed by fire and brimstone."

"What do you mean 'Gluten-free'?"

Jesus as a child discovers one of His many peculiarities.

Saint Christopher

"Open your mouth so I can take a DNA sample."

"Hey, great death!"

"Fortunately, I was texting St. Christopher."