Saintly Spirit Pillows

'Ferguson always was an overachiever.'

Tiny Visions

"It's true: no more burpees."

"A sentimental journey of a thousand miles begins with the first martini."

"... And bless my dog, Penny, whose licks give me the strength to carry on."

'Yeah, I know your idea of heaven is to play golf all day, but all we have is shuffleboard!'

"You've been served."

'I really do feel empowered. I should've joined a gang years ago.'

"I'm going to have to make this quick, God. I just ask that you watch over me during my double knee replacement tomorrow."

'I'm good. How are you?'

"Relax, I grade on the curve."

For services to Tourism. . .

'Today's Presentation: God's Miracles.'

Great. What do I get the man who already HAS nothing? It's a birthday party.

"Hmmm...says here that you were in charge of your church's Puppet Ministry."

"I brought it for you because I love you."

'As your Guardian Angel, I want you to know that death is not anything to worry about.'

Praying.

Saint Gustaf, patron of pranksters and practical jokers. Martyred by angry mob in 725.

Ballet Birthday

"Enjoy your youth. Soon you'll be an old cynic like me with nothing worth barking at."

No caption. (Friar wears a cross and the chord leads to his ears as it does with a MP3 player.)

'I'm real sorry. It was all the 'blonde' jokes you told.'

'Ferguson always was an overachiever.'

Holy monk.

"I'm afraid we don't accept bribes here, sir."

Pray now - Go later.

Praying monk with steeple hands.

Singing Father Christmases.

'Answer me! It's your mother! Don't give me that vow of silence!'

"Our religious friends are praying, our atheist friends are sending good thoughts, and our lawyer friends are figuring out who to sue."

Latte Day Saints

California: In Case of Fire Break Glass and Dial A Prayer.

That's okay --- Nobody would get in if we included cheating on diets.

Proposed solution to repugnant and obsolete St. Patrick's Day parade: add more saints.